A bikini and a swimming pool: A lesson in body image

(This might offend some, but it's what I'm thinking about so consider yourselves warned.) 

I'm too much a product of my upbringing. And that saddens me. But, I'm so proud of the people in front of me, and that makes me weep joyful tears.

I'm hanging out by the pool, and we are in "The Europeans have landed" mode. There are no fewer than four families from various parts of Europe hanging out by the pool before we all disburse to our various activities for the day.

A few particular people have caught my eye. Two girls, who are about twelve or thirteen are frolicking in the pool. Both are wearing bikinis. Neither is thin. At all. Both have bellies that hang out over their bikini bottoms. Both have full, big hips and thighs. Both are doing their thing without a care as to whether or not they "should" be wearing bikinis with the kind of figures they have. They are just doing it and having a blast making handstands and somersaults and giggles. 

When I was their age, I would not have dreamed of putting a bikini on my body. My breasts alone would have made wearing a two-piece suit an impossibility. Heck, to this day, I wouldn't dream of it because frankly the straps cutting into my shoulders would be too painful unless I pay big money for a custom-made suit, which I won't be doing (and I like my low-cut one-piece purple and pink suit just fine, thank you very much. :) ). But the big issue? Both my parents let me (and my sisters) know that we were too fat and that we should not ever reveal ourselves like that in public. They reinforced that message daily in ways big and small. 

So, while I loved the water, the pool, and the beach, I covered myself up. Some of you, who took swimming with me in high school might remember that I wore a t-shirt over my swimsuit. I was a great swimmer. I could do a backwards dive off the high board (and did and that was how I got an automatic A in the class) and not blink an eye. I have since learned how to scuba dive. And you know what? Never would I do it while wearing a two-piece suit. How strange and sad is that!

We all get messages from the world at large about what we should and shouldn't do. And the messages fall on a continuum. The hope is that our  parents would fall on the positive end of that scale. The wish is that they would land squarely on the "You go girl! You are awesome! And how great that you can dive off the high dive (regardless of what you are wearing)!" side of things.

But often, too often, we receive the exact opposite messages from parents and other elders whose job it is to help us develop a strong sense of self and a healthy ego. I didn't have children, but I like to think I would fall on the positive end of that spectrum. I certainly try to support the young people in my life as they stretch and grow. I do have some views on being too sedentary at too young an age, but that has little to do with body image and a lot to do with good health, wellbeing, and quality of life. 

I wish I could come up to these young women and tell them how incredible I think they are. And I wish I could give the parents a "high five" for doing such a great job raising their kids. Both girls are well-adjusted, happy, adventurous, and fantastic. And they have their parents' support as they develop. I would love it if everyone had the opportunity to feel that way as they grow up.

I also wish we lived in a society where what a girl or woman chooses to wear wasn't up for debate or discussion. As I said first thing, I hope that part of this essay doesn't offend people. I guess I'm a product of my society as much as I am one of my upbringing. I still wonder and question and ponder these issues and how they affect women and girls all over the world.

Right now, the dad and one of the daughters are hanging out in the pool. They are giggling and bouncing and having a great time. He is helping her straighten her underwater handstand. He is providing support, encouragement, advice, and a boundary as she explores this new skill. And as far as I'm concerned those are four of the biggest and best things parents can do for their kids.

Today's Teeny Tiny Tushy Miracle

(Might be a bit more about me than you wanted to know so feel free to breeze past this. But it's my miracle of the day so I had to share. :D )

Here's an unexpected side benefit of all the physical therapy I've been doing for my legs/knees. I'm developing a bigger butt. No, it's true. I really am. As my sisters can tell you, the women in our immediate family were not gifted with what even a generous person would call, teeny, tiny booty. 

We have lived our entire lives hiking up pants, shorts, and skirts because we had nothing on which to hang them and have them stay hung. Well, no MORE, I say! I'm actually getting one. It's a miracle. It's as if I purchased one from amazon and it's finally been delivered.

I noticed this phenomenon the other day when I was putting on shorts I hadn't worn for a while. I expected them to be loose in the waist because I've lost a bit more weight. What I didn't expect? For them to be tight in the behind. WTF? But then, I looked. And looked again. And triple checked. And sure enough, where there used to be a flat expanse, there now sit two slightly rounded mounds. 

It's still not up to the glory of some of my friend's bootys. I'm afraid that is too much to hope for, but for now I content myself with actually having a behind. Here's hoping that someday, hiking up my shorts becomes a thing of the past.

Woo HOO!

An informal experiment in approachability, communication, and cute vs shlubby

I've been running an informal experiment for the last couple of weeks. Those of you who know me, know what I'm shaped like. Those who don't, take a look at my pic below. I am, what a friend recently described, curvy. Am I thin? Nope. Am I in shape? Mostly (will get back into better healthy shape once the knee issues are resolved). So, here's the experiment.

In the last couple of weeks, I've been going out at almost the exact same time to walk the dog along the exact same route. Sometimes, I dress cute (shortish shorts and a tight tank top). Sometimes, I dress what I'm going to term shlubby (loose pants and a loose t-shirt). On the "cute" days, I brush my hair and put on a bit of makeup (read eyeliner). On the "shlubby" days, I go out with rat's nest hair and my natural face.

On half the days (both cute and shlubby), I bop along to music. I dance. I smile at nothing and generally have a great time. On the other half of the days, I trudge along. I still look around but I scowl rather than smile.

So, the informal grid I've created is as follows:
1/4 days cute and boppy
1/4 days cute and trudgy
1/4 days shlubby and boppy
1/4 days shlubby and trudgy

What I was trying to gauge: How many people (men and/or women) said hello or smiled or waved. The reason I brought my body shape into the entire process is because I've often wondered at how we view people who are bigger. Do we dismiss them as a matter of course? Are they truly invisible as I have felt myself to be when I've been heavier than I am now? I am at that magical weight right now where people pay attention to me. I get hellos and smiles and waves pretty much all the time. Five or ten pounds heavier and those smiles and waves all but disappear unless they are from people I know.

I'm not sure body shape and/or size plays a significant role in this experiment, but I wanted to mention it case it makes a difference.

The results:
The days when the vast majority of people said hello or waved or smiled: cute and boppy
The days with the second greatest number shlubby and boppy
The days with the third greatest number: cute and trudgy
The days with the distant lowest number: shlubby and trudgy

I know what my conclusions are and will post them later. But I'm curious as to what yours might be. Thoughts?

Calling for Models of all colors, sizes, and styles

I just listened to a Tell Me More broadcast on the lack of representation of women of color on magazine covers. It stemmed from a FB post by Jada Pinkett Smith asking whether or not magazines that are traditionally geared towards women of color should start putting white women on their covers. I get that she was trying to start a dialog. I also get that what I am about to say is in actuality a different question (sort of). But the only thing I kept thinking while listening to broadcast was, "How about the lack of representation of women of size of any color?"

Women come in different shapes and sizes across the spectra of skin color, ethnicity, etc. Why are they so under-represented in the dialog and on covers of magazines?

A few years ago, Queen Latifah was on the cover of Glamour. She looked great. Everyone made a huuuge deal that a woman of size was on the cover.

My thought at the time was: She looks more like me than any of the models usually on the cover. She is curvy and voluptuous and terrific.

On today's show, one of the things the guests kept talking about was how girls and young women of color look at these magazine covers and never see anyone who looks like them except when Rihanna, Beyonce, FLOTUS, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lopez, or Penelope Cruz are on them.

I just kept thinking that regardless of skin color, these girls and young women likely see no one who looks them anyway. We don't look like the airbrushed "skinny-fied" cover models regardless of the color of our skin, hair, eyes, etc.

I would love to see all women represented. I really would. One of the best ways to do it is not just to have a wide variety of skin colors represented, but also a wide variety of sizes (short, tall, thin, heavy, small, big, whatever).

When Lizzie Miller's photo (see below for the link) appeared in a Glamour magazine issue, countless women wrote in to say how happy and grateful they were to see it there. "Finally, a woman who looks like me," was the sentiment.

What I don't understand is why magazine have such a time understanding that this is what women look like (and yes, I do understand the marketing angle here. I just don't think it will be ultimately successful as more and more women release the notion that they need to strive for the unreachable). We don't want some sort of bizarre, unattainable ideal. We want to see models who look realistic - good, sassy, courageous, fierce, fun, and realistic. Everything else feels fake. On some level, we all know it (even if many of us still try to achieve that unattainable goal. We keep forgetting the professional makeup artists, personal trainers, Photoshop geniuses, and fashion consultants that help these women look the way they do). I hope magazine editors figure it out and begin to represent women as we are not as some strange concoction of photoshop, makeup, and lighting.

It will sell them more magazines.

Personally, I don't look at the models at all anymore when I am reading a magazine. I look at the cut, color, and style of clothes. And, horror of horrors, I read the articles!

http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/blogs/vitamin-g/2009/08/on-the-cl-the-picture-you-cant.html