Today's Tarot: Five of Cups (loss, regret, crying over spilled milk and what you can do about it)

Today's Tarot: Five of Cups (loss, regret, crying over spilled milk and what you can do about it)

The Cups are the suit of the emotions in the deck. Some are fantastic like the Ten (love of family, contentment, joy) and some, not so wonderful. The Five of Cups falls in the less than ideal batch. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we remain steadfastly focused on the negative. We hold on to regrets. We cling to our sadness because it's what we know. We wrap our sorrow around us like a prickly blanket and we don't shrug it off because it is either familiar, or it has sapped our energy to such an extent that we can't even rouse ourselves to take care of ourselves.

That last happens to me because of my thyroid. It's not an emotional source but the results are the same. I get too fatigued to do the self-care that would make me feel better.

The Five of Cups hearkens something similar. If you get to a place of such sorrow that you can't lift a hand in your own defense, it's gone too far. Sure, we can all cry over spilled milk. We've all been there and with the possible exception of the Dalai Lama, we've all done it. We've all hung on to our regrets. And what has it gotten us besides more time spent regretting our actions, our feelings, our thoughts? Really, it hasn't brought anything new into our lives. We tend to get the feedback that we've screwed up pretty quickly. The consequences tend to be immediate or if they aren't, we still internally sense that something is off. What the Five of Cups tells us is that we are still right in that moment before we say, "screw this," get up and free ourselves from the binding, cloying parts of our sorrow.

The time we spend regretting what we did or didn't do, did or didn't say, did or didn't think is much better spent on self-care and self-love. It will have a better outcome than any sort of self-flagellation. I read somewhere that depression is anger turned inward. I think that is one of the best definitions of depression that I have ever read. The insidious thing is that depression seduces us into thinking that it belongs in our hearts. And it doesn't. There is another path, but in the moments when we are saturated with those depressed feelings, we don't see them.

If you look at the card, the figure is focusing on the cups whose wine has spilled. He is lost in the sadness and regret of whatever happened to turn those cups on their sides. There are two perfectly good and full cups just behind him, but he doesn't see them. Or, if he did see them at one point, he didn't and isn't focusing on them. Whatever good thirst-quenching liquid they contain is lost to him because he can only see the spilled wine.

This brings me to today. Today is a good day to look up, look around, do a handstand and try to see things from a different perspective. If you are finding yourself stuck in a pattern of depression, sadness, or regret, stop, take a moment and count. your. blessings. Everyone gets depressed. Research shows that those who are most successful in life take the depression, deal with it and tell it to go take a hike. They remain positive. They don't let themselves get sucked into the whirlpool of sadness. One of the best ways to avoid that emotional drain is to keep focusing in on the positives that you haven't seen or have ignored. They will help you put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you'll be walking, skipping, and running toward your bliss.

Vulnerable only when safe? Is it worth it? (this week's cards)

Ups and Downs Emotionally? Oh yay! (This week's cards: King of Cups, Page of Cups [reversed], Seven of Swords)

I feel like I should be quoting cheesy 80s love song lyrics here, for some reason. But I think I'll just say that if you put yourself out there emotionally, if you are honest about your feelings, and if you allow yourself to be vulnerable and the person to whom you are honest and vulnerable scoffs or otherwise treats you like crap, then get rid of him/her. You don't want that person in your life. Period. There is no excuse for being unkind as a response to someone's honest and open emotional expression (we're not talking stalkers or whatever, here, by the way, as that is not healthy emotional expression). We all feel and many of us feel deeply. Sometimes, those feelings need to be expressed to someone else. It's not just a desire to tell that person how you feel, it is a bonafide need. And that is a vulnerable place to be.

A few days ago, my husband and I were talking about being vulnerable and I said that it was ill-advised to be vulnerable when you are unsafe to be. And that got me thinking. Is it unwise to be open with our feelings when it isn't really a safe space to do that? If the person/people to whom we are open with our emotions reacts negatively or otherwise badly, whose problem is it? What have we done when we have been open, when we have reached out to someone else? Have we possibly put ourselves in harm's way? I believe that we have, as long as we are invested in the outcome. As long as we need to hear a specific response in return, our investment could lead to pain. But, if we have no expectation of a particular response, then all we are doing is getting our own feelings out there. There is a big discussion to be had about having an investment in the outcome but that will come at a later time.

That's what this week's cards mean to me.

The King of Cups says, be broad and open with your heart. Express your feelings. Feel compassion for others and express that compassion. Feel love for others and express that love. Be generous, if that is your inclination.

The Page of Cups reversed says, nothing ventured, absolutely nothing gained. If you never say anything, how will you know what might have been? And if you do say something and don't get the response you desire, then at least you know where you stand (and you know that it says a lot more about the other person/people than it says about you). Then, you can move forward without the regrets and the uncertainty that would accompany never having tried.

The Seven of Swords says: Be prepared to pack your toys and go. Don't waste another second of your time on someone who doesn't appreciate you. Some people are givers. Some people are takers. If you are a giver and you find yourself in relationship with a taker (and this doesn't just mean romantic relationships, either) and if you are tired of always being the one to give, and you make the other person aware of the dynamic and she or he doesn't listen or hear you, then get gone. You deserve to be with people who love you and who give to you as much as you give to them.

Leaving might be scary but in the long run, it is better to spend time in that vulnerable and perhaps lonely place than to keep pouring yourself all over someone else like a tonic, only to have that person take it, bathe in it, and then only want more. You deserve better. We all do.

Self-Care, Self-Love, & Patience

This week's cards rock, on toast, with sugar-free, all natural jam.

The first card: Two of Cups. This card is all about connection, sharing, a soul-to-soul union. If the past comes calling (and by "the past," I mean an old lover/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/snookly, and that person gave you warm fuzzies and you parted on good terms with love in your hearts, then by all means, consider giving it another go. If not, why then stay on the lookout this week for someone who will trip your "Universe Is Smiling On This Union" switch. Be careful not to jump guns, but seriously, this could be a beautiful foray into a whole new dimension in love.

If that "holy crap, how am I going to handle all this love coming at me" thing doesn't happen, then it's really time to look deep into your soul and see what you need to feel loved, cared for and joyful. Need a foot rub? go get one, or heck find directions on how to give yourself an at home foot spa treatment. In fact, here are some now: http://skincare.about.com/od/caringforyourfeet/ht/footspa.htm. Take the time to decide what you need and then do a wee bit of research and you will move toward that goal.

Tuesday, especially, you will want to practice self-care. If someone starts giving you grief, walk away. Don't engage. They aren't worth it. You deserve better and you know it.

The second card: Queen of Cups. Self-love in all its glory. What does it take to get us to go deep inside and find that small, secret, scared part of ourselves and then nurture it (which by the way is a revolutionary act)? What do we need in order to show ourselves compassion? How far down the road of stress and unhappiness do we need to get before we cut ourselves some slack? This is your mission should you choose to accept it.

This week: Be Kind To Yourself. Love yourself. Give yourself frequent breaks (particularly if you live in the really hot parts of the world. It's brutal out there and we have shorter fuses when nature is being extreme). Drink deeply from life's well, this week. Spend time in repose. Allow yourself to feel, really feel, what's going on inside. Figure out your needs and try to meet the ones you can meet. You might not be able to meet them all right now, but that doesn't mean you won't. And this way, you will at the very least have a set of needs identified. Once you have that, the rest becomes all about finding new and creative ways both to love yourself and to move forward on your path. Oh, and creativity plays a big role here. Be unapologetic about what you create. You are the artist of your own life and don't you forget it. Oh and for you artistic, creative types, now would be a great time to break out your old copy of Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" (or check it out from your library) and work through the book. You will be delighted that you did.

The third card: Temperance. "Be patient" is one of the worst things you can say to me. WTH?? I want it (whatever it is) and I want it now. The need for patience makes me want to tear out my own hair. I chafe about it. I gnaw and gnash over it. I am not good at it. And you know what? This week, the universe just doesn't give a flying rat's butt. This week (and perhaps longer, darn it) it's all about patience. Things come when they do. And it's our job to get over ourselves, sit down, hush up, and wait for the signal. We will know it when we see it. And it will come.

Words to live by: "Say You're Sorry If You Hurt Somebody"

Today, I read a fascinating blot post on the Current Conscience about sensitivity and gaslighting (this terms comes from the Hitchcock movie where a husband tries to drive his wife crazy by setting the gaslights in their home to flicker while he denies that anything is happening). In the post, the author talks about the responses women tend to get about being too sensitive, too emotional, or too dramatic, in situations where they express frustration, sadness or anger about something that has been said to them (often by spouses, bosses, friends, etc). I started thinking about what happens when we hurt each other's feelings.

How often do we apologize right away? Do we apologize immediately, do we need to be convinced that we did indeed hurt the other person's feelings, or do we more often try to deny that we have even hurt that person's feelings to begin with. It's a lot easier to deal with when you place the blame of the issue on the person who raised that issue. It's an apparent escape route, isn't it? If the problem sits with someone else, we don't have to deal with our part in it. Whew.

And how differently do we react when we inflict different kinds of pain on others. For example, if you step on someone's toe, they immediately have a reaction. They might say, "Ow!" or something like it. You get immediate feedback for your actions and you can feel free to apologize and you both move on. For unintentionally inflicted physical pain, it feels pretty easy to say you're sorry and move on. But, emotional pain? Well that's an entirely different story. The infliction of emotional pain is a tricky bugger. That brings up all sorts of stuff inside us. The first of which is often a knee-jerk, "No I didn't. I'm not that kind of person." And so often we want to deny that we could even begin to hurt someone else.

I tend to have a memory like an elephant and so it's challenging for me personally to let go or forget about it if someone has hurt me. Are there others of you out there like that? Do you remember those incidents even though it would be easier/nicer if they would just fade into the background obscurity of your mind and eventually cease to matter? Or do you just eventually see it fade and move on to more fun parts of your life?


So, here's my personal take on it when someone hurts my feelings. If you do or say something that hurts my feelings, and I tell you that my feelings have been hurt, and you don't acknowledge it or address it or validate it, please don't expect that time (and you ignoring the issue) will make things all better. It really won't.

I'd far prefer it if we talk about it and resolve it rather than having it simmer in the background for some indeterminate amount of time. If someone hurts my feelings (and hears about it from me - I'm not expecting mind reading, here) and then apologizes or we at least talk it through, then things can mend very quickly. If that person ignores it or worse tells me it's my fault for being too sensitive, we will have issues.

I believe we all owe each other the validation of our feelings. We all have feelings, but often I believe we are taught at a pretty early age to either bury them or discount them. It's no wonder then that so often when we are faced with having hurt someone's feelings, that we want to turn away, run away, or ignore the entire situation altogether.

On the one hand, we might hesitate to accept that our actions caused someone else pain. On the other hand, when we need to deal with someone else's pain, we have to reach inside for our empathy, and that can be painful for us. Having said that, I still believe we can only improve our relationships if we find the courage to face our own transgressions and our own historical lessons. I am reminded of one of the lines of the poem, "All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten." "Say you're sorry if you hurt somebody." It's a lesson we ought to have learned early on, but some of either didn't or we have forgotten it. http://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/842/36.html

Ouch! you stepped on my feeling toe!

You who are on the road, must have a code that you can live by. CSN had it goin' on with those lyrics. And not only that, but that whole learn from your mistakes thing is a great idea for today. The cards are: Page of Swords, Hierophant, and Six of Cups. So, today is going to be about editing, self-editing. Have you learned from the last bit of chaos that swept through your life? If so, what did you learn? Figure it out. Write it down. Learn from it. If you didn't learn, then that exact same set of crud is going to seep into your life like a flooding basement. It'll come on little cat feet, and it will kick your butt. So, take the time today, be that person who steps back and looks at past errors and then learns from them.

Some of this stuff we were supposed to have learned when we were kids. "If you borrow it, give it back." "If you took it out, put it away again." If you stepped on someone's toes, say you're sorry, and if you hurt someone's feelings, do the same. That last one was mine so it's not a quote, but I find it oh so true. So often, if we hurt someone physically, say we step on someone's toe, it's absolutely easy to see we've done it and absolutely automatic to apologize. The apology is accepted and we all move on, acknowledging the accidental ouch. But, when we step on someone's emotional toe (go with me, here) why then everything gets much tougher. For one thing, we don't always know we've done it. Most of the time, when we physically step on someone's toe, we get an indication. We get an, "Ouch!" The same doesn't hold true for feelings. I believe most of us haven't been taught that it's okay to express those feelings as immediately as an "Ouch!" But oh a more honest world we'd live in if we did.

So, I'm giving you a three-part mission today. First, learn from your mistakes. Second, if you step on someone's emotional toe, say you're sorry. Third, and this is the biggie, if someone steps on yours, don't brush it off. Don't bury it. Instead, say, "Ouch! that hurt," and see where it gets you. The people who love you will want to know and will want to honor your feelings, and likely apologize. The people who don't want to acknowledge that they've hurt you, well, then you have a ton more information about them than you did just seconds before. And that brings us right back to learning from our mistakes. Are you in a pattern where your feelings aren't being respected? If so, your mission becomes more and more clear. Today will be the day to stand up for yourself and do something about it. It might hurt some in the moment, but boy will be better for you in the long run.

Take a chance on...

Today's Cards: Ten of Pentacles, Six of Pentacles, Eight of Rods. Spend time with loved ones today. And if you find yourself on your own, reach out to new people. Extend yourself. I know, I know. It's easy to say and much harder to do. But hey, if life isn't about taking chances from one second to the next, then what is it about? Seriously, let's take a look at this. Each day, each second, we take a chance on the next step, the next breath, the next thought. We choose door a or door b every instant. Should I get up? Should I say hello? Should I pursue my dreams? Should I have coffee or hot chocolate? Each of those decisions necessitates taking a chance of some kind.

Some are easy and simple. Of *course* I'll have hot chocolate instead of coffee. Of course, I'll get up and go for a ramble through the woods with the dog. Of course, I'll pet my cat when she climbs onto my lap and settles in for a nap. But, with people, the choices are sometimes tougher, particularly if we are introverts. For extroverts, it tends to be easier. They tend to get energy from spending time interacting with others. But for introverts, who need a healthy amount of time on their own, it can be downright challenging to extend themselves like that.

But sometimes, that reach for connection is vital to our sense of balance. Sometimes, that pursuit of friendships, relationships, etc. is necessary for us to continue to build, to grow, to thrive. Today is one of those days.

The Ten of Pentacles is about family/friends/connections. The Six of Pentacles is about balance in our home life, work life, financial life, and social life. The eight of Rods: well, that's the taking a chance part. So, go out there and find that balance. Take a gamble and play the cards you've been dealt. And, if there is a rift you need to mend, or a family member you need connect with (even if it's hard), take a chance and do it. If it works, you will have made the connection or mended the fence. If it doesn't you will know that you tried and that can make all the difference inside that secret heart of yours.

Turn that frown upside down? Now there's an idea.

Today's cards: Ace of Cups, Ace of Swords, Six of Swords.

The reality of the situation is that you might be sad. It's not necessarily an "everything is tragic," gigantic sad, but it is that "things don't feel right, bright, and good today," type of sad. It's a kind of low-grade sad that saps you of energy and makes you feel like you might be coming down with something. That type of sad is an insidious jackass because on the one hand, you feel like you ought to feel just fine, but on the other hand, everything is getting to you more than in should. In other words, your reactions to the world are not going to be commensurate with what's really going on because those sad emotions are impacting how you view everything. So, instead of wearing rose-colored glasses, today you might be wearing dinge-colored glasses. Those sad feelings are sneaky and you don't realize that you're sad until something makes you take stock and you smack your own head and say something along the lines of, "WTF? Why am I sad?"

Today is that day. Today is the day to (mentally) smack yourself upside the head and take good and careful stock of all your blessings. See, because while the Six of Swords brings that whole sad aspect to life, the two Aces are anything but sad. The Ace of Swords is all about new thought patterns, new ways of looking at things, new ideas, inspirations, and plans. The Ace of Cups is about new love (for yourself, especially), new ways of feeling, new patterns of emotions, and increased emotional wellness. So, while the Six of Swords brings up those sad feelings, the Aces are there to kick their butts.

Use that great brain of yours to think through the issues. Use that great heart of yours to really feel your feelings, access your intuition, and get a grip on your emotional state. Find the good among the bad and really celebrate it. Oh and if you get any kind of break today to go somewhere you love to go (be it a restaurant or your favorite tree), go do that. Soak up the good today, and you'll be amazed at how much your state of mind and heart will improve.