The "Moonlighting" Curse Doesn't Have To Be One.

In my writing life, I'm constantly analyzing what I read and watch for technique, style, production, storytelling, and quality. I view all of it with a critiquing eye. I want the story to compel me. I want to love the characters and relate to them (whether or not they are villains or heroes). I want the work to please me like a succulent meal pleases me. And that has gotten me to wondering.

I'm thinking about adventure tv shows and specifically the Moonlighting curse (where once the two leads get together romantically, the show starts tanking). Moonlighting famously careened downhill once Maddie and David got together. The stories suffered. The audience seemed to lose interest, and the show didn't last much past Mark Harmon and the entire Baby Hayes storyline. However, I wonder if that was more indicative of this show than it is a global issue with writing, television, and movies.

IMO, there's a ton of fun stuff to mine when the two leads finally kiss and eventually become a couple. The trials and tribulations of relationships can be interesting and exciting to explore. And any show that thinks that's not interesting to people is only skewing towards that younger demographic (that 18-35 or even the 18-24 group) where the first blush of love and infatuation is more stressed than the work and growth that go into making a long-term relationship work. 

It is possible that the reason younger audiences enjoy those first blush moments in their entertainment is because younger audiences haven't had time to develop those long term relationships. I wonder if they relate to those sorts of stories more because they themselves might still be more interested in the heat that comes with the anticipation of hooking up. I wonder if older audiences are more able to enjoy how the characters balance an ongoing relationship with the rest of their work, creative, and family lives.

As an example, I believe a number of tv writers have panned Castle this year. The criticism comes in part because not only have they hooked up, but the two leads are married (and others started panning it once they finally engaged in a romantic relationship at all). I don't think the show has suffered due to this development. In fact, how much Castle and Beckett love each other only makes the show more fun to watch. Plus, now the actors, neither of whom are slouches when it comes to talent, get to portray their love, their worry, and the lengths to which they will go to protect and care for their partners.

This all gets me to wondering if the reason the Moonlighting curse was a curse was not so much that David Addison and Maddie Hayes got together as it was that the writing suffered and that Cybil Shepherd and Bruce Willis apparently despised working together. On some level, you can't hide that animosity no matter how talented you an actor you are. 

Personally, I'd like to see more stories that tackle what happens once the leads hook up. Don't get me wrong. I like that "will they/won't they" paradigm. It's fun and generally, I keep enjoying it until the leads do start seeing each other/admit their feelings. To take it further, I'd like to see shows tackle those developments in a substantive way. I'd like to see how the characters learn and grow and relate to one another while they also solve crimes or run super fast or shoot arrows at bad guys.

It makes for fun viewing and it gives me something to sink my teeth into that satisfies me on a more meaningful level. I hope more shows will adopt this paradigm. 

The WildLife - symbiosis? Leave it like it is.

This week's The WildLife is not entirely safe for work. No naughty words but rather the correct terms and some adult themes. 

Enjoy!

Today's Tarot: The Lovers (partnership, union, love)

Today's Tarot: The Lovers.

Partnership, union, LOVE!

I love this card and yet... it can be tough to decipher. Sure, it means romance, love, passion, lust and all that other good stuff. And, and this is a big and, it also means partnership and connection. The soul-to-soul union that not only feels right but is right. You know it down to your marrow when the Lovers is at play in your life. You are where you are supposed to be and sharing it with the right person or people.

It absolutely doesn't have to mean your boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, or spouse. It can be anyone who is there for the ride with you.

It can also mean, allowing yourself to sit still for a minute and appreciate those who are on the journey with you, even if they aren't the loves of your life. They don't have to be the loves of your life. They only have to be there to share in the experience. Seek that connection and nurture and you absolutely can't go wrong.

A dear friend and I were talking about why she ended up with her husband. She is what anyone would term a complete and utter babe (and is also beautiful on the inside as well as being kind, vivacious, and extremely intelligent). She could have had her pick of mates. When asked why she ended up with the man she married, she replied. "In the end, I think it's because he just kept being my friend. He persisted and persevered."

So, that's what the Lovers means to me today. The best Lovers are the friends who persist and persevere. 

Vulnerable only when safe? Is it worth it? (this week's cards)

Ups and Downs Emotionally? Oh yay! (This week's cards: King of Cups, Page of Cups [reversed], Seven of Swords)

I feel like I should be quoting cheesy 80s love song lyrics here, for some reason. But I think I'll just say that if you put yourself out there emotionally, if you are honest about your feelings, and if you allow yourself to be vulnerable and the person to whom you are honest and vulnerable scoffs or otherwise treats you like crap, then get rid of him/her. You don't want that person in your life. Period. There is no excuse for being unkind as a response to someone's honest and open emotional expression (we're not talking stalkers or whatever, here, by the way, as that is not healthy emotional expression). We all feel and many of us feel deeply. Sometimes, those feelings need to be expressed to someone else. It's not just a desire to tell that person how you feel, it is a bonafide need. And that is a vulnerable place to be.

A few days ago, my husband and I were talking about being vulnerable and I said that it was ill-advised to be vulnerable when you are unsafe to be. And that got me thinking. Is it unwise to be open with our feelings when it isn't really a safe space to do that? If the person/people to whom we are open with our emotions reacts negatively or otherwise badly, whose problem is it? What have we done when we have been open, when we have reached out to someone else? Have we possibly put ourselves in harm's way? I believe that we have, as long as we are invested in the outcome. As long as we need to hear a specific response in return, our investment could lead to pain. But, if we have no expectation of a particular response, then all we are doing is getting our own feelings out there. There is a big discussion to be had about having an investment in the outcome but that will come at a later time.

That's what this week's cards mean to me.

The King of Cups says, be broad and open with your heart. Express your feelings. Feel compassion for others and express that compassion. Feel love for others and express that love. Be generous, if that is your inclination.

The Page of Cups reversed says, nothing ventured, absolutely nothing gained. If you never say anything, how will you know what might have been? And if you do say something and don't get the response you desire, then at least you know where you stand (and you know that it says a lot more about the other person/people than it says about you). Then, you can move forward without the regrets and the uncertainty that would accompany never having tried.

The Seven of Swords says: Be prepared to pack your toys and go. Don't waste another second of your time on someone who doesn't appreciate you. Some people are givers. Some people are takers. If you are a giver and you find yourself in relationship with a taker (and this doesn't just mean romantic relationships, either) and if you are tired of always being the one to give, and you make the other person aware of the dynamic and she or he doesn't listen or hear you, then get gone. You deserve to be with people who love you and who give to you as much as you give to them.

Leaving might be scary but in the long run, it is better to spend time in that vulnerable and perhaps lonely place than to keep pouring yourself all over someone else like a tonic, only to have that person take it, bathe in it, and then only want more. You deserve better. We all do.

Words to live by: "Say You're Sorry If You Hurt Somebody"

Today, I read a fascinating blot post on the Current Conscience about sensitivity and gaslighting (this terms comes from the Hitchcock movie where a husband tries to drive his wife crazy by setting the gaslights in their home to flicker while he denies that anything is happening). In the post, the author talks about the responses women tend to get about being too sensitive, too emotional, or too dramatic, in situations where they express frustration, sadness or anger about something that has been said to them (often by spouses, bosses, friends, etc). I started thinking about what happens when we hurt each other's feelings.

How often do we apologize right away? Do we apologize immediately, do we need to be convinced that we did indeed hurt the other person's feelings, or do we more often try to deny that we have even hurt that person's feelings to begin with. It's a lot easier to deal with when you place the blame of the issue on the person who raised that issue. It's an apparent escape route, isn't it? If the problem sits with someone else, we don't have to deal with our part in it. Whew.

And how differently do we react when we inflict different kinds of pain on others. For example, if you step on someone's toe, they immediately have a reaction. They might say, "Ow!" or something like it. You get immediate feedback for your actions and you can feel free to apologize and you both move on. For unintentionally inflicted physical pain, it feels pretty easy to say you're sorry and move on. But, emotional pain? Well that's an entirely different story. The infliction of emotional pain is a tricky bugger. That brings up all sorts of stuff inside us. The first of which is often a knee-jerk, "No I didn't. I'm not that kind of person." And so often we want to deny that we could even begin to hurt someone else.

I tend to have a memory like an elephant and so it's challenging for me personally to let go or forget about it if someone has hurt me. Are there others of you out there like that? Do you remember those incidents even though it would be easier/nicer if they would just fade into the background obscurity of your mind and eventually cease to matter? Or do you just eventually see it fade and move on to more fun parts of your life?


So, here's my personal take on it when someone hurts my feelings. If you do or say something that hurts my feelings, and I tell you that my feelings have been hurt, and you don't acknowledge it or address it or validate it, please don't expect that time (and you ignoring the issue) will make things all better. It really won't.

I'd far prefer it if we talk about it and resolve it rather than having it simmer in the background for some indeterminate amount of time. If someone hurts my feelings (and hears about it from me - I'm not expecting mind reading, here) and then apologizes or we at least talk it through, then things can mend very quickly. If that person ignores it or worse tells me it's my fault for being too sensitive, we will have issues.

I believe we all owe each other the validation of our feelings. We all have feelings, but often I believe we are taught at a pretty early age to either bury them or discount them. It's no wonder then that so often when we are faced with having hurt someone's feelings, that we want to turn away, run away, or ignore the entire situation altogether.

On the one hand, we might hesitate to accept that our actions caused someone else pain. On the other hand, when we need to deal with someone else's pain, we have to reach inside for our empathy, and that can be painful for us. Having said that, I still believe we can only improve our relationships if we find the courage to face our own transgressions and our own historical lessons. I am reminded of one of the lines of the poem, "All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten." "Say you're sorry if you hurt somebody." It's a lesson we ought to have learned early on, but some of either didn't or we have forgotten it. http://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/842/36.html

Take a chance on...

Today's Cards: Ten of Pentacles, Six of Pentacles, Eight of Rods. Spend time with loved ones today. And if you find yourself on your own, reach out to new people. Extend yourself. I know, I know. It's easy to say and much harder to do. But hey, if life isn't about taking chances from one second to the next, then what is it about? Seriously, let's take a look at this. Each day, each second, we take a chance on the next step, the next breath, the next thought. We choose door a or door b every instant. Should I get up? Should I say hello? Should I pursue my dreams? Should I have coffee or hot chocolate? Each of those decisions necessitates taking a chance of some kind.

Some are easy and simple. Of *course* I'll have hot chocolate instead of coffee. Of course, I'll get up and go for a ramble through the woods with the dog. Of course, I'll pet my cat when she climbs onto my lap and settles in for a nap. But, with people, the choices are sometimes tougher, particularly if we are introverts. For extroverts, it tends to be easier. They tend to get energy from spending time interacting with others. But for introverts, who need a healthy amount of time on their own, it can be downright challenging to extend themselves like that.

But sometimes, that reach for connection is vital to our sense of balance. Sometimes, that pursuit of friendships, relationships, etc. is necessary for us to continue to build, to grow, to thrive. Today is one of those days.

The Ten of Pentacles is about family/friends/connections. The Six of Pentacles is about balance in our home life, work life, financial life, and social life. The eight of Rods: well, that's the taking a chance part. So, go out there and find that balance. Take a gamble and play the cards you've been dealt. And, if there is a rift you need to mend, or a family member you need connect with (even if it's hard), take a chance and do it. If it works, you will have made the connection or mended the fence. If it doesn't you will know that you tried and that can make all the difference inside that secret heart of yours.

"Love is in the air, everywhere I look around..."

Today's tarot confuses me a bit while at the same time, I feel like since it's spring and spring fever is just around the corner, it all makes a certain amount of sense. The cards: Eight of Cups, Two of Cups, Hierophant. Now, the eight and two make sense. The Two is about love, soul to soul union, connection, and true romance (in the long lasting sense). The Eight is about choosing your path without regret. Even though it might not feel like it, you have options about where you will point your feelings. We all do.

In the throes of it all, we might feel like we are prisoner to our hearts, like our passions drive us willy nilly to some or other destiny. To some extent, that is all true. But, and this is a big but, we can indeed release ourselves from that particular form of bondage. We've all done it. We can let go of love that isn't good for us - that doesn't serve our higher purpose. And the Eight, well it tells us to do just that if that's what needs to happen. However, if we've found the love we want, even if it's frightening, why then the Eight says, Go For It! If we open our hearts to love, we can partake of all sorts of bounty. Here's the thing, though. It has to serve our higher purpose. If it's the butterflies in your stomach love that makes you feel all sweaty and scared and not in a good way, why then it's not in your higher purpose.

And here's where the Hierophant comes in. This card is about education/learning. If you are unsure of your love, ask questions, even the uncomfortable ones. Ask them of yourself as well as the beloved. Find out what's really going on. Once you know, then you can move forward not regretting a thing.