What informs our choices

In the land of milk and honey (and tons o' choices), how do you decide what your favorite will be? This morning I'm thinking about Starbucks. I'm still a relatively new coffee drinker and most coffee gives me stomachaches so I drink it infrequently. However, I've found recently that lattes don't hurt my belly at all. And I like going to Starbucks (as opposed to Mayorga or one of the other coffee places) to get my fix. I like the culture. I like the people watching. I like the lattes. What's not to love?

Now, here's the heart of what I'm curious about? In the land of "there's a Starbucks on every corner" (or so it seems), how do I decide which Starbucks to frequent? How do *I* choose what I like? What happens in my brain to give me that "Yes, this one" reponse? 

There's one in Greenbelt, but I don't stop there. I go to the one in College Park. Why? There are a few reasons. It's brighter. There are more windows. The setup is superior to the one in Greenbelt (which feels more like a cave than a coffee shop). I like the way parking is structured in College Park. Each of the places is situated in a big outdoor mall. But the Greenbelt Starbucks is right in the middle of the mall with a huge parking lot while the College Park Starbucks sits at the end and has its own little lot (and drive-through). I prefer the one that is set back a little. I like the relative privacy. I like having a little lot to sneak into rather than being one of the throng and dealing with a massive lot and lots of cars.

It makes me wonder how the corporate powers that be chose each location. Did they decide on the Greenbelt one because they figured there would be lots of business because people were shopping at the mall already? Or was it some sort of oversight since there is already a Starbucks in the Safeway in the same mall? And does that Starbucks cut into the standalone coffee shop's business? And I wonder which Starbucks has more customers, the Greenbelt one or the College Park one. And why?

I know my choice and why I prefer it. I like the slightly more out of the way feeling of the College Park one. Is it because it feels more private somehow? Is it because it's brighter and more cheery? Is it because when I'm there near sunset, I get a fantastic view of the sky over the parking lot? It's likely a combination of all of these. And it makes me want to study marketing and analysis much more closely. Maybe I'll only get answers as to why I like what I like (rather than learning about why other people choose what they choose). But I'll bet I'll learn a lot about what other people choose as well.

What about all of you (if you're read this far)? What's your favorite? How did you choose it? What informs your choices?

Today's Tarot: Three of Swords (heartache, betrayal, choices)

"Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool. Lovin' both of you is breaking all the rules..."

The Three of Swords always reminds me of the lyrics to this song from the 70s. It feels like you are standing at a crossroads and there are no good choices. In the song, it's about loving two people and needing to decide between them and knowing that whatever you do, someone is going to end up broken hearted. But, this set of choices doesn't have to be about relationships. It can be about whatever choices you face. And when in those situations, often its the chooser who ends up losing because the pain is often overwhelming regardless of which path she or he chooses.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to avoid the pain of heartache or worse, heartbreak, we end up feeling torn in half by whatever occurs in our lives. It sucks but there it is. Heartache is a part of life, especially if we choose to live in the here and now and make choices in the here and now. And worse, sometimes, other people's decisions break our hearts. For example, we don't get the promotion we've worked our butts off for. We cross our fingers, say our prayers and submit a poem to a literary magazine and get rejected. We gather our courage, and audition for a play and don't get cast. We tell someone we love them and get an "Um, I really like you as a friend," in response. Whatever it is, however we have to face rejection because someone else got chosen instead of us, we still need to play the game. It's part of living. However...

There comes a day when the game is too painful and it's time to hang it up. Now, I'm not saying hang it up forever, but I am saying, for the moment, do hang it up. Step away from the ledge. Take time to lick your wounds. Don't try so hard. Protect yourself so you can heal and then come back stronger tomorrow. Don't tilt at so many windmills for the moment, if you find you don't have the energy or the heart for it.

Last night, I was at a pub celebrating a friend's Birthday. In the restroom, I overheard a young woman giving advice to a friend. She said, "Son, if the ho' don't want to be saved, don't try to save the ho'...." I took it to mean that while it's okay to tilt at some/most windmills, sometimes, no matter what you do, things will unravel and you will get hurt. So, don't turn yourself inside out and cause yourself a great deal of pain, trying to help someone who just doesn't want or need your help.

Today, that is what I encourage you to do. If the game is too much, if it's too painful. Walk away, heal, and come back tomorrow to try again.

In the words of the famous movie star, the WOPR or Joshua, "Interesting game. The only winning move is not to play."

If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it. Links to various formats are right below. 

Today's Tarot: Eight of Cups (chosen paths, no regrets, daring)

I love this card! It falls in the middle of one of my favorite runs in the tarot, the seven, eight, and nine of cups. The seven of cups talks to us about choices and options. We have them and we are faced with what we are going to do about them (see that entry here). The nine of cups is ultimately about being happy, content, and satisfied with our lot (see that entry here). The eight of cups is about that intermediate step. It is about the process of making or having just made those choices and living in the new reality that the choice has created.

Every time we choose door a over door b, we set up an entirely new reality for ourselves. We have sometimes radically different experiences when we've chosen one path over another. It can be as simple as the choice over where to go for dinner. One will lead you to quiet space where you eat your Ethiopian food alone with your thoughts. Another might lead you to your favorite pizza joint where you meet up with a couple of acquaintances, slide into a political debate with a friend of theirs and end up with a job offer to go work for a Senator. Any number of things can happen and the eight encourages us to be daring in our choices and brave with the results.

Allow me to explain that last sentence. I was just reading an interview with Andrew McCarthy (the actor, director, and travel writer) and someone asked him about bravery. After a bit of back and forth about definitions, McCarthy said he believed there was a difference between daring and bravery. He said, "Daring is proactive. Bravery is reactive."

I read it and I fell in love with the statement. And I am impressed with the universe for helping me choose the Eight of Cups, not fifteen minutes after I read this statement. The card epitomizes that difference and highlights the paradigm.

So, today, I encourage you to be both daring and later brave. Be daring (the tail end of the seven of cups) as you make your choices and choose your path. And then be brave with your chosen path and the consequences of that path.

Choose wisely. Choose boldly and then have no regrets.

My quote of the week this week is appropriate here: "Everything that happens, happens exactly as it should because that's the way it happens." (wish I had a citation but I don't and if I ever find it, I will come back and cite this)

It is particularly true here. Even if in the moment, the daring choice you've just made feels like the absolute wrong one, be brave. You are on the right track ... to somewhere. And that somewhere is going to be exactly where you need to end up.

Be careful what you wish for...

Today's cards: Three of Swords, Justice, Six of Rods. It's pretty simple today. You will get *exactly* what you want, so be really, absolutely, positively sure of what it is you do want.

We let our passions rule us, sometimes. That can be chaotic, cathartic, and comprehensively destructive. But out of the ashes, we can rise, phoenix-like to continue the brave fight or even better, we can be re-born. So, if you choose to be self-destructive today, then do it with your eyes open. And don't blame anyone but yourself. If you leave yourself no excuses, then the only one left with the responsibility for you, your choices, and your life, is you. And you are, in the end, your own best judge and jury of what's good, right, proper, wrong, healthy, unhealthy, productive, constructive, destructive, or appropriate for you.

Victory will be yours. There is no doubt. But even the victorious have pangs of regret, if what they won came at too high a cost. Decide whether or not you want to pay the price, and if you do, then march on.