A call to action: Let's take back our calm

So many of us all over the world are feeling squeezed in a pressure cooker.  So, I am calling for a moment of breathing all together. Are you willing?

I invite everyone who reads this to join in and share it wide. 

This afternoon at say five pm (EST)? Who will stop what they are doing and do some military breathing* with me? 

If you want take back your calm, comment here. I will post it live here and guide it. 

Share this if you want. Let's take back some of our calm all together. 

I send you peace. 

Here is the link tot he facebook post where I will be guiding the breathwork

https://www.facebook.com/izolda.trakhtenberg/posts/10153313460779895?ref=notif&notif_t=like

*Military breathing is a stress-reduction technique used by first responders and people in the military to remain calm in high stress situations.

Scent allergies: they're real and they suck!

When you live with an allergy or sensitivity that most people don't know exists, it can be tough. 

I have a scent sensitivity. It is getting worse as I get older. I am not allergic. I will not die (unless I inhale too much smoke and my airway closes, which has happened once before and then it Is possible). But I will lose my voice. I will get nauseated. I will get flu-like symptoms. My throat will catch fire. 

Here's the kicker. The things that set me off? Perfumes, essential oils, air fresheners,  Fabreze (and whatever vile chemicals are in it) and most detergents. Also, hand soaps, hand and body lotion, and incense. They are things most people use. 

Whisk, Tide, and Gain are the three worst detergent culprits. And they are also the most ubiquitous. If I spend time with people who use them, I will be in a bad way within seconds. 

It means that I spend less time socializing than I used to because I make my living with my voice. And I also prefer not to feel like I am about to hack up a lung. 

It has led to some strange events. Friends have accused me of abandoning them because I am no longer around like I used to be. That is untrue. I haven't abandoned anyone but neither will I ask anyone to change their behavior patterns for me. It's not some sort of martyr thing. Rather, it's the most expedient thing to do because it is asking to change pretty much anything anyone uses. If they use a detergent, and it has a scent, I'll be in trouble. If they forget and put perfume on in the morning before they come see me? I'll be in trouble. If they have hand lotion in their bag and they use it while we are together? I have to leave (and yes I carry my own unscented soap because most bathrooms in public places use soap that will set me off). So, it's hard to go, "Oh yes please. Go scent free." It is a huge undertaking. 

I have one person, who wanted me to be around less, who started using a scented detergent when she had not been before. When I asked her about it, she at first denied it. And then, once we had discussed the matter further, she said, "Oh yeah. My bad. I did do that." Needless to say, she and I are no longer friends. It is not because she used a scented detergent by the way. It is because she did it on purpose. Want an excellent way to ensure that you don't spend time with someone who is allergic? Just go and buy and use the thing that spikes their allergy.

At our last wedding anniversary, my husband and I had to leave early. The bed-and-breakfast place used detergent that had scent. I tried to stay one night. I woke up in the middle of the night wheezing like I had asthma. I don't have asthma. I've never had asthma. But I get asthma like symptoms if I inhale Whisk.

So, I am careful. But sometimes, no matter how careful I am, there is nothing I can do. Until a couple of years ago, for five years, we had next-door neighbors who A, smoked, and B, used a detergent that killed me. The trouble with living in these old co-op is that nothing is airtight. So, when they used their detergent, the stench from it came right into our house. I bought air purifiers. I tried to buy them their own scent-free laundry detergent that I would pay for that would be scent free. 

"I can't ask you to do that," my neighbor said

"I am totally willing to do that, it would help me out a lot and it would save my health," I replied. 

"Well, I just want to keep using the detergent I want to use because I like the scent," she said. 

So, despite trying hard to work with them, and despite trying to get mediation with our Cooperative (which they did not attend and in which the co-op let me down in a substantive way that I will never get over but that is for another story), for five years I had an on-fire sore throat. The kicker? The man living in that house had a job that necessitated doing laundry every, single day. So, yeah. For five years. Every day. I was sick.

The tough part? I couldn't leave. If you look at all of the information about scent allergies, they all say, "well, if you are experiencing scents that you can't stand or that are giving you a reaction, leave. Go home. Stay in a safe space." Well, what happens if your safe space is the place that's dangerous? What happens if it's your house that's the biggest problem? I felt for years like there was nowhere I could go. 

Why am I bringing all this up now? It happened again last night. My husband needed to have some colleagues over to work on his show. I was going to be out. I ended up not going out, but it didn't matter. One of them or perhaps both of them use laundry detergent that sets me off. I stayed upstairs. I hid in my office. I tried not to come downstairs. But, I still have almost no voice this morning. Today is being spent clearing out all of the things that need to be cleared out so that I can get to some semblance of normal. I'm washing couch cushions. I have the windows open on a cold day and I have fans going. Why? It's in the hope that by this evening, some of this will dissipate and I will be able to recuperate enough for my gig this Wednesday. That's the problem with making a living with your voice. If you need to use it, and it's not working? It's like trying to be a marathon runner with a broken foot. You pretty much can't do it.

I hope my voice will return. If not, I will be doing an all instrumental holiday caroling show. 

If you have read this far, thanks. I needed to get this off my chest. And also, if you see me and I don't hug you, please don't take it personally. I just can't take the chance that whatever scent you used five minutes ago or ten hours ago will rub off on me and cause me days, perhaps weeks of pain. 

Sending you all of my love.

Go at your own pace but show up.

Some people run marathons. Some people can bench press 250 pounds. Today, I am just happy that I was able to do 24 angled push-ups (three sets of eight) in my clap push-ups challenge and walk 2 miles without a cane.

A couple of weeks ago I could do no more than three sets of five push-ups, and I was walking with my cane pretty much everywhere.

To me, diligence is key. So is consistency. Whatever it is we are trying to do if we show up, day in and day, out we will eventually progress. Even if in the moment it feels like we're walking backwards, at least, we're still walking. 

Every single thing that happens to us ends up being some sort of learning experience, I think. Most especially the things that cause us the greatest challenges end up being our greatest teachers. So, my questions for you are these. How are you going challenge yourself today? What goal post will you set for yourself? How will you thrive?

My challenge remains to keep getting stronger, more fit, happier, healthier, more productive, and more active in the causes I support. If your challenge is similar, let me know. After all, we're all in this together.

We are all in this together.

I've started this post numerous ways. And I, verbose as I am, have no words for this.

Sometimes, I feel like some vital connection to all the other lives on this planet is slipping away. And that connection that used to be inherent must now be nurtured by all of us. Somehow, we have to see, really see, all those beings who need help, kindness, and compassion.

Many people, heck, all of us, are just a few tragic steps from becoming homeless or worse. So many beings (two-legged, four-legged, no-legged, winged) suffer daily. Sometimes, I have to close my eyes and ears and heart to some of it or I feel I will disintegrate in the sorrow and the rage. And yet, I keep trying to maintain the connection. I keep reaching out to others who need help in small and big ways. I live as cruelty-free as I can. And I try to leave any situation better than I found it.

Sometimes, the suffering I see debilitates me and I have choose between drowning in it and staying just a little apart from it so I can have the energy to help where I can. Damn. This is hard. I spent the weekend reading for over a hundred people. Many of them needed help in some serious ways. Many are trying to deal with surviving abuse and rape. And in those few minutes I had with them, I tried to help them. I gave them resources for therapists or crisis centers or just an ear, a shoulder and the knowledge that someone sees them - that someone sees and acknowledges how they have suffered and is grateful they are still here.

To slightly misquote the movie Rob Roy. "If they can bear to endure it, I can bear to be witness."

Here's what I keep telling myself. 

We are all in this together.

Thank you for reading.

Vacations: a vital part of life.

Why I take vacations

I don't do it often, but it turns out I need the recharge time.

I'm crawling back to myself on this break. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my roles in the lives of my friends, my clients, my students, and the world at large.

The big revelation? I spend a lot of my time and my self generating output. I give readings, advice, education, performances, etc. And usually all of that comes with its own brand of communication. When I perform, I strive for an exchange of energy. The audience and I make time for a chat. It's just that some of the chat is me making music and them listening. The rest of the time, we converse. Truly.

When I teach, the exchange is almost as 50/50. I learn from my students almost as much as they learn from me. 

When I do readings or coaching, the energy output is much more mine since the people who come to me want my guidance and rarely is it a full exchange. Rather, it is my output to help them heal, progress, and grow towards their highest path.

When I volunteer for causes I support, I do so with an open heart and the fervent hope that what I am doing will help make a difference. There is satisfaction in a job well-done in volunteer work that I rarely get from any other sort of work I do.

I've always operated on the premise that my wellspring was infinite. I tell clients all the time that they need to stop, breathe, and recharge. But it turns out, I've not been taking my own advice.

Before this vacation, I was running on fumes. I was surviving, but I was not thriving. And since my goal is to not only survive but thrive, it has become clear to me that I have been working at cross purposes with myself and with my highest path.

Well, that had to stop. I wasn't paying attention to myself and my needs. And my body started giving me messages that if I didn't chill out, it was going to chill me out for me. So, Rich and I hatched this rather last-minute plan to go away for a bit before the craziness of the autumn season falls upon us.

Once the Ren Fest starts, I will be working seven days a week until December 26th. Since I already maintain a similar pace and have been for the last few years, I needed this break.

And that makes me think. How many of us push ourselves past our limits and forget that we even have them? How many of us exhaust ourselves with work and when we're done look for the next thing on the list to tackle? There will always be another challenge, another item on the "To-do" list. Another project will beckon. Another quest will present itself.

And yet, if we aren't well-rested, we will not be at our best. If we are not relaxed, we might falter when we most need to stand strong and resolute.

This is all my way of saying that I've decided to cut myself some slack. And I want to encourage everyone else to do that too. The projects, goals, and to-do lists aren't going anywhere. They will be there tomorrow. 

Here's the thing, though. The instant you look at a project with dread rather than anticipation, it might be time to look at either your motivation or your energy level. I think even the most arduous and heinous things we need to do to live our lives can present a fun challenge rather than a drudgerous task. The things that tip that scale? First, is the level of our fear about being able to do it well. To that I give that ol' platitude, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." It might be corny, but it is true. This is for another post, but when we feel fear, that reaction is giving us clues. They key here is to learn to interpret them and then utilize the information they provide. More on this later.

Second is our stress level. If we fear being able to achieve our goals, often, we will avoid embarking on the mission. If we are too tired or too stressed, we will avoid the arduous task like the plague. And that will only prolong the agony. So, the lesson I've learned here is if we are too stressed to do justice to our task, perhaps it's time to take a break and relax and release some of that stress before we accept the challenge. Then, we can come to it with fresh eyes and a full heart.

And by the way, it doesn't have to be a long break. Not every break has to be five days in Key West (though that doesn't hurt, let me tell you). A break can be five minutes of breathing with eyes closed or a walk around the block or petting your cat (one of my personal favorites). If we do something to release the grip of stress, we will do better and we will be better. Certainly, we will feel better.

I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies, "The Princess Bride:" "Remember, if you don't have your health, you don't have anything." -Count Rugen

Productivity Tuesday: Maintain Good Habits By Making It Easy On Yourself

In today's episode of Productivity Tuesday, let's talk about habits. We all recognize that we have "good" and "bad" habits. I think many of us might agree that journaling is a good habit. Many of us might also agree that drinking until you puke every Friday and Saturday night is a bad habit (It might be fun every once in a great while, but it takes its toll on our bodies, spirits, emotions, and productivity in a big, bad way). We could list a variety of habits and judge their merit, but the theme that binds them all together is that we tend to do them without giving them conscious thought.

Sure, when you are four, your parent has to remind you to brush your teeth. By the time you are an adult, you've like got that habit down. If you don't do it after every meal and before bed, you at least likely brush those pearly whites when you wake up.

Many studies have shown that repetition builds habitual action. In other words, if you want to make a behavior habitual, repeat that behavior for some time et voila, it will ingrain itself into your routine and before you know it a habit is born.

That works great if nothing in your life changes, and you can develop and maintain a consistent routine. But what happens when life blasts you a curve ball? You have to roll with it and try to maintain equilibrium in the face unexpected change. Heck, even if you knew the change was coming, a disruption to your routine can make all your good intentions go the way of the do-do.

So, what do we do? How do we ride those changes and keep our good habits on deck? We do it by making it as easy as possible to continue our habits regardless of our situations. We facilitate a pattern of behavior by creating an atmosphere where that pattern can continue unimpeded regardless of outside circumstances.

Here is an example. I have a rule that I've mentioned before. Regardless of anything else going on in my life, I am required to at least step on my yoga mat, every, single day. In my world, at my house, that is easy. I know where the mat lives. I know how much time my yoga practice will take. I know how long I can go before the dog requires his morning constitutional. So, I can practice yoga and move on with the rest of my day.

But, what happens when I have to travel like I do this coming weekend? Suddenly, the routine flies out the window. I'm in a different space, different city, and with a different schedule. And on top of that, depending on where and how I am traveling, I might not be able to bring my yoga mat with me. So, I have to plan ahead and make things easy on myself.

I figure out my morning schedule. Will I have early meetings? Great! Then, I set my alarm 30 minutes early to make room for yoga. Will I need to walk my dog because he traveled with us? No? Then, that 30 minutes is bought and paid for because I can now place yoga into that time slot. If I plan it ahead of time, my routine doesn't have to change much at all.

But what happens if I can't take my mat with me? Well, some people buy Yoga Toes. I've tried them, and they don't work for me because my feet slip out of them too easily. Instead, I created my own version of a yoga travel mat. Someday, I might even make these for sale. But for now, this is what my yoga travel mat looks like. Instead of the big, long rolled up tube, I have just a few small strips to carry with me.

It does take a little extra prep time, but that conscious planning ahead of time helps me remain true to my good habits. I look at this planning as an investment in ourselves and in our future. If we keep ourselves accountable to our inner planner, we can maintain positive habits for all the days of our lives. Remember, the habit is an ingrained unconscious behavior. But the prep time to keep that habit going? That's something we can plan and implement. And that's how we thrive!

Just what's so wrong with being centered on ourselves?

I just wrote this as part of a comment on someone else's thread, but to me, it bears repeating.

"There is nothing wrong with having a strong ego. The word ego has gotten a bad rap. It means knowing yourself. It means having a strong sense of identity."

I'm getting tired of the promulgation of this idea that we should not be self-centered or have big/strong egos. There is nothing wrong with being centered on yourself. If you take care of you first, then you will be free and able to help others (notice the second follows the first. I'm not saying we should only be centered on ourselves, but that we should make ourselves a or the priority). If you sacrifice yourself on the altar of helping everyone else, you will burn out. I know this from experience. It was a hard won lesson, and it is one I will never forget. My life is about service to others, but first I have to take care of myself. If I don't, I will eventually burn away.

And as for having a big or healthy ego, I believe that if we all had strong egos, if we all knew ourselves and more importantly accepted those selves (strong egos, strengths, frailties, passions, fears, flaws, and all), the world would be a far more healthy place.

/end rant

Experiment in Motion: How Much I Move Chart, Day 3

I moved both more and less than the previous days. I spent a lot more time eating. It was Thanksgiving so I'm cutting myself some slack. As an aside, I ate pretty well. The food was delicious, healthy, and wonderful. I ate no sugar and had berries for dessert. I did break my no-wheat rule, which I am paying for in some extra pain today, but it was worth it because the various pestos I brought (mushroom artichoke heart, garlic basil, bruschetta, and the cream cheese garlic concoction known as xteepeetee*) are best with a warm slice of baguette.

The big news was that I did keep up with the aerobics rule and did more minutes of Just Dance on XBox. I love it! It's superior to anything on Wii, although, I must admit, I miss Dance Dance Revolution in its footwork complexity. And I do like the interface a little better when playing DDR.

So, here's the chart. As you can see, it's more skewed towards sitting and eating than movin' and groovin' but I'm hoping that will change as the experiment progresses.

* If you want recipes, drop me a line and I'll try to put them together.

Motion Chart (How Much I move, Day 2)

I've completed two days of my experiment in how much I move. Yesterday proved to be a more active day than day one. I was in motion more than I was sedentary. I cleaned, shopped, walked, hiked, exercised and generally moved more than I sat at the computer, wrote, or watched tv. I'd like to watch less tv, but I must say that during the long night/short day portion of the year, I tend to have little energy left for anything after the sun sets.

Plus, it's been cold and rainy here so that never helps. When I add in my hypothyroidism, it doesn't surprise me that I lack energy. However, there are still other things I can be doing with my time and I will think on how to be more active and less lump-on-a-couch. 

I did use some of my sitting time to complete a craft project (a new silk bag and cloth for my new tarot deck) so that helps me feel like I wasn't just sitting.

I also added in a category that's a bit of a catch-all. It's the Miscellaneous Motion category. Sometimes, the alarm rings when I am walking down the stairs or going to the sink to get a glass a water. I'm not spending the entire 20 minutes doing that motion, but I decided that one of the parameters of the experiment will be that I won't fudge the data. I'll mark exactly what I'm doing at the moment I'm doing it unless it's a small something like I'm walking down the stairs. That counts as being in motion, but I don't want to give myself too many categories to keep track of so that will have to do.

Today promises to be interesting. We're going over to some friends' house for the Thanksgiving celebration. I'll have to explain the experiment to my hosts and the other guest and hope they don't think I'm rude when I get up in the middle of dinner to go dance for a minute.

I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, here is the Motion chart for 11/27/13.

How Often Do I Move? An Experiment to Learn My Patterns

So, I'm running a wee experiment on myself. It occurs to me that I have become a bit too sedentary. Certainly, when I'm on the go, I'm out and running. But, when I'm at home, I'm noticing my tendency to sit (pretty still) and work and get stiff and hurt. It got me to thinking about how much physical activity I'm doing in any given day. I want to figure out how much and what kind.

So, here's what I'm going to do. I've set up an alarm system that will ring a bell every twenty minutes for twelve hours. During that time, every time the bell rings, I will need to do something physical. If I am already doing something physical (yoga, hiking, etc.) then I will need to up my game and do it faster or deeper depending on what is appropriate. If I am not doing something physical, if I am instead practicing music, or writing, or watching a movie, I'll be required to get up and do something like yoga, Tai Chi, stretching, jumping jacks, kickboxing, etc., for a period of at least one minute. Then, I'll go back to my previous activity.

I have a number of reasons for this.

First, I recognize that if I don't move and move pretty often, I get horribly sore. So, I need to move more and this experiment will accomplish this goal.

Second, I'd like to know exactly how I'm spending my time. Am I wasting a lot of it on tv or movies or games (not terribly, I don't think, but I'd like to know regardless).

Third, I think once I know exactly how I'm spending my time, I'll know what, if anything, I want to change to help myself be more efficient when I'm working, more productive when I'm practicing or writing, and more physical regardless of what I'm doing.

I'm going to chart my progress and likely put up little pie charts here to see what happens.

Today, I'm just setting practicing how I need to set up my metrics (what activities I generally do and how they will be entered into my database), and I'm also making sure that I do indeed get up and move when the alarm goes off.

There will be times, like when I am with a client, that I will not be able to complete my motion requirements (clients tend to frown on you getting up and doing jumping jacks while you're supposed to be reading for them or energy work on them). And I will need to see what sort of consequences I will make myself face when I do not engage in a physical activity when the alarm rings. I think it will likely be something like extra motion for longer as soon as I *can* do something, but I am not sure.

If you want to track my progress, I'll be updating everything here. I'm going to try and run this for a week and see how it goes.

Looking forward to this.

Gallbladder cleanses or make sure you have light olive oil

I've begun prepping for my next gallbladder/gallstone cleanse. I'm doing the cleanse Sunday into Monday (so look for me to be moaning and groaning if I do make it onto my computer, at all).

In the meantime, I'm on black walnut/wormwood/cloves tinctures. And all my water will have apple cider vinegar in it until after the cleanse.

One amazing thing: I found an olive oil that is so light that I think I'll actually be able to drink it in the quantities in which I need to drink it in order to actually do the cleanse. A light olive oil is particularly important if you ever want to be able eat olive oil, ever again, after you've done one of these cleanses. By the time I was done drinking the copious amounts of oil I had to drink in order to complete the cleanse, I never wanted to be anywhere near oil olive again. In fact, now, years later, I'm still unable to be around the really pungent ones.

Last time I did the cleanse, the oil was way to olive-y and it was very hard to endure. But, as I am a tad phobic about having surgery and as the cleanse works beautifully, I'm all over this. I would much rather endure one day and night of misery than endure surgery. That's my phobia and I'm stickin' to it.

I'll post something about how it goes after it's over. In the meantime, I'm eating carefully and taking excellent care of myself so I won't suffer too much during the cleanse itself.

Here's to taking our health and our bodies into our own hands. I have no problems with traditional medicine. My sister is a doctor. When it is appropriate, traditional (western) medicine rocks. On toast. With jam. For me, the only thing that western medicine says to do is to get my gallbladder removed. That's not an option for me so I'm doing this instead.

How about you? Have you ever tried a gallbladder cleanse? How did it go? If you haven't, would every give it a try?

Be careful what you wish for...

Today's cards: Three of Swords, Justice, Six of Rods. It's pretty simple today. You will get *exactly* what you want, so be really, absolutely, positively sure of what it is you do want.

We let our passions rule us, sometimes. That can be chaotic, cathartic, and comprehensively destructive. But out of the ashes, we can rise, phoenix-like to continue the brave fight or even better, we can be re-born. So, if you choose to be self-destructive today, then do it with your eyes open. And don't blame anyone but yourself. If you leave yourself no excuses, then the only one left with the responsibility for you, your choices, and your life, is you. And you are, in the end, your own best judge and jury of what's good, right, proper, wrong, healthy, unhealthy, productive, constructive, destructive, or appropriate for you.

Victory will be yours. There is no doubt. But even the victorious have pangs of regret, if what they won came at too high a cost. Decide whether or not you want to pay the price, and if you do, then march on.