Creativity, Communication, Confidence.
Showing posts with label self help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self help. Show all posts
Thursday, April 25, 2013
For best results, know it internally
I just wrote the following as a comment to a friend asking for adjectives/attributes that describe him as part of a process he is going through. I'm hoping he takes it in the manner in which it was intended but regardless, I stand behind what I wrote. I believe those kinds of "I am awesome, terrific, wonderful, kind, happy, diligent..." affirmations only work when we truly believe them about ourselves. Having other people tell us what they think is a nice validation, but I'm not sure it truly helps the process other than to give us an external salve for what is truly an internal issue. In other words, for me, it would be nice to hear that people think I'm terrific/awesome/amazing, etc., but it would not help me internalize it.
I don't believe in the, "well other people think I'm great, therefore I must be great" paradigm. I don't think that paradigm works in the long run. I do believe in affirmations. I believe us telling ourselves that we rock really can and does help us change our perceptions of ourselves. But, I don't believe that other people's opinions ultimately do that. They might help make us feel better/good in the short term, but they are still external and don't get at the root of the issue which is inside ourselves (and in my opinion is about our lack of sense of self, self-acceptance, self-love, and feeling deserving of the good stuff). We have to accept how amazing we are internally. Everything else is ultimately window-dressing and doesn't help change our innermost perceptions of ourselves. That's the trouble with external validation. If you keep relying on it, you will keep relying on it, if you see what I mean. You won't ever really get to that point of standing on your own in your belief about how wonderful you are. You will keep waiting for someone else to tell you and if that someone isn't there or doesn't give it to you, it can be devastating.
--comment--
"I'm going to give you a serious, not snarky, answer, but I'm not going to give you adjectives. You know how incredible I think you are. The thing is, imo, the exercise that your coach gave is one in you believing it. And thinking about the adjectives that will describe you, giving yourself permission to believe them, and then embrace them, and then shout them from the rooftops of your personal awesomeness has to come from within. So, I encourage you to read the great answers people are writing but then to let go of all of those. Take some time and pick the best ones you can think of and then let them sink in and become part of your view of yourself. While other people's descriptions can help here, it's really an internal process of you accepting those attributes being part of you. No external source will truly help you do that. It's an internal process, and it's one I know you will not only handle but you will also master. Sending you love."
--end comment--
Friday, March 1, 2013
Today's Tarot: Ace of Cups (emotion, intuition, love)
Yay! It's another of my favorite cards in the deck. The Ace of Cups represents that first blush of love, or the spark of intuition that leads you in the right direction. It's always the awareness of what you are feeling right when you are feeling it. It is one of the most optimistic cards in the deck. When you feel those feelings and allow yourself the self-love they inevitably represent, that is when grand adventures in life take place. When you don't, when you ignore or disregard them, that is another story.
We are disturbingly good at disregarding our feelings. We have them, but we either shy away from them or deny them outright. The Ace of Cups doesn't let us play that debilitating game. It states, for the record, that not only are our feelings valid, but we need to *pay attention*. When you have an emotional reaction to something, anything, that reaction is giving you information. If you don't pay attention to what you are feeling and if you don't honor it, then you are going to cause some sort of dis-ease in your body/mind/heart/spirit system. I can pretty much guarantee it.
So, today, pay attention to your feelings. They are trying to tell you something. And if you follow the path on which they lead you, you will learn, grow, stretch, and fly.
Moving on, I want to give you a quote from A Winter's Bones. "Never asked for what ought to be offered." It's not a fuzzy wuzzy love quote, but I hold that it is true to a great extent. If you feel like you are standing, hat in hand, and hoping/begging/pleading for someone to give you time, attention, love, and if you feel like you are always in that place of wistful anxiety with that person, I would ask you to consider whether or not you need to have that person in your life.
If you look at the image of the card, below, you will see that it is a chalice that is filled or being filled with water. Water, in this case, is our emotion or love. When the Ace is right side up, it is being filled and full of bountiful, beautiful emotions and the spark that ignites them into love. When it is reversed, that cup is upside down, and our emotions and love are being poured out into nothingness until we are empty. So, in addition to feeling the love inside yourself for yourself and others, inherent in the card is a caution not to waste your emotions where they are not wanted or deserved.
If you feel like that is happening, if your intuition taps you on the back of the head, or in your belly that something is off, don't ignore it. Instead, acknowledge it, feel it, and then do something about it.
We are disturbingly good at disregarding our feelings. We have them, but we either shy away from them or deny them outright. The Ace of Cups doesn't let us play that debilitating game. It states, for the record, that not only are our feelings valid, but we need to *pay attention*. When you have an emotional reaction to something, anything, that reaction is giving you information. If you don't pay attention to what you are feeling and if you don't honor it, then you are going to cause some sort of dis-ease in your body/mind/heart/spirit system. I can pretty much guarantee it.
So, today, pay attention to your feelings. They are trying to tell you something. And if you follow the path on which they lead you, you will learn, grow, stretch, and fly.
Moving on, I want to give you a quote from A Winter's Bones. "Never asked for what ought to be offered." It's not a fuzzy wuzzy love quote, but I hold that it is true to a great extent. If you feel like you are standing, hat in hand, and hoping/begging/pleading for someone to give you time, attention, love, and if you feel like you are always in that place of wistful anxiety with that person, I would ask you to consider whether or not you need to have that person in your life.
If you look at the image of the card, below, you will see that it is a chalice that is filled or being filled with water. Water, in this case, is our emotion or love. When the Ace is right side up, it is being filled and full of bountiful, beautiful emotions and the spark that ignites them into love. When it is reversed, that cup is upside down, and our emotions and love are being poured out into nothingness until we are empty. So, in addition to feeling the love inside yourself for yourself and others, inherent in the card is a caution not to waste your emotions where they are not wanted or deserved.
If you feel like that is happening, if your intuition taps you on the back of the head, or in your belly that something is off, don't ignore it. Instead, acknowledge it, feel it, and then do something about it.
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Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Today's Tarot: Knight of Swords (knowledgeable, decisive, opinionated)
Today's Tarot: Knight of Swords (knowledgeable, decisive, opinionated)
Knights in the deck are a funny lot. Regardless of whether or not their suit is active, they themselves act to fulfill the descriptions of their suits. While cups are about our emotions and rods are about our actions, swords are about our decisions and thinking. They call on us to think and then act decisively and logically on that thinking.
When we pull the Knight of Swords, he calls on us approach every situation from a logical perspective. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't make rash decisions. Be like the eagle or the red-tailed hawk. Head on up somewhere distant and get that bird's eye view. You have been, perhaps, lost in the details and not looking at the big picture. Now is the time to actively engage your mind and look at the lay of the land honestly and shrewdly.
Don't wait for someone or something else to make up your mind. You do it. Be certain and then act from that certainty. Be sure and then behave as if that perspective is the most expedient one for you to get what you want. And for heaven's sake, don't assume a thing, especially when it comes to other people's feelings or motivations.
Ultimately, we can't know what those feelings and motivations are unless they tell us and we can be certain that we can believe them (and that they truly know what they are feeling to begin with). Our capacity for self-delusion is monumental. Often, we will say we're okay with something when we're not. The thinking there appears to be that we are supposed to be okay with it and so we say we are. But, and this is a big but if we do that, then we are just opening a future can of worms which will come back and bite us on the butt. If you aren't okay with something, even if you don't know why, don't say that you are okay with it. The truth will come out and get its nasty, sticky mess all over everything. If you are honest and say decisively that you aren't okay with something, why then, even if you don't know why you aren't okay with it, at least the truth is out there and everyone knows it.
That is much, much better than the alternative. Clear, honest decisions will make for a longer term happiness. The murky of pretending you're okay will eventually kick your ass. The choice, as always, is yours.
Knights in the deck are a funny lot. Regardless of whether or not their suit is active, they themselves act to fulfill the descriptions of their suits. While cups are about our emotions and rods are about our actions, swords are about our decisions and thinking. They call on us to think and then act decisively and logically on that thinking.
When we pull the Knight of Swords, he calls on us approach every situation from a logical perspective. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't make rash decisions. Be like the eagle or the red-tailed hawk. Head on up somewhere distant and get that bird's eye view. You have been, perhaps, lost in the details and not looking at the big picture. Now is the time to actively engage your mind and look at the lay of the land honestly and shrewdly.
Don't wait for someone or something else to make up your mind. You do it. Be certain and then act from that certainty. Be sure and then behave as if that perspective is the most expedient one for you to get what you want. And for heaven's sake, don't assume a thing, especially when it comes to other people's feelings or motivations.
Ultimately, we can't know what those feelings and motivations are unless they tell us and we can be certain that we can believe them (and that they truly know what they are feeling to begin with). Our capacity for self-delusion is monumental. Often, we will say we're okay with something when we're not. The thinking there appears to be that we are supposed to be okay with it and so we say we are. But, and this is a big but if we do that, then we are just opening a future can of worms which will come back and bite us on the butt. If you aren't okay with something, even if you don't know why, don't say that you are okay with it. The truth will come out and get its nasty, sticky mess all over everything. If you are honest and say decisively that you aren't okay with something, why then, even if you don't know why you aren't okay with it, at least the truth is out there and everyone knows it.
That is much, much better than the alternative. Clear, honest decisions will make for a longer term happiness. The murky of pretending you're okay will eventually kick your ass. The choice, as always, is yours.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
This Week's Element: Fire
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