Finding Strength In Weakness

My thoughts this morning turn to finding strength in my weakness.

I was working with clients over the weekend. One of them talked about how he felt weak and that he wanted to go back and be strong how he used to be.

I said, "Wait, don't try to go backward to find that strength. Look forward to the strength you will find as you move through this time of weakness. That is where we find our strength, when we feel the most weak and vulnerable. We have to go through each step, good and bad, in order to find ourselves."

Then, I talked to them about my violin. It is an old instrument, from 1872. I have owned it since I was nine years old. It had a beautiful sound. About 20 years ago, I was walking with it down a flight of stone steps. I stumbled. It fell and cracked. My heart broke along with it. I took it to Violin House of Weaver (now Potter's Violins), which is one of the best Violin Houses in the world. 

"We'll take care of it," they promised. "You won't be able to tell the difference."

I had my doubts but I left it with them. In the meantime, to prepare for upcoming gigs a friend was kind enough to lend me his violin while mine was being repaired.

During that time, burglars broke into our house and stole a bunch of stuff. They stole my friend's violin. We tried in vain to find it at local pawn shops, but we never did. Luckily, we had insurance and while we weren't able to retrieve his violin, we were at least able to get him money for it. I still feel badly about that, but there was nothing we could have done to prevent it.

Meanwhile, my violin was still being repaired. In my heart of hearts, I knew it would never sound the way it had. I knew it would forever be broken, but I waited it out until the day came to go pick it up.

"Play it," the man behind the counter encouraged me.

I ran the bow across the strings and it was magic! The instrument sounded better than it had before.

"How did you do that?" I asked as I put my lovely violin away.

"The glue we use now works with the fibers of the wood on a molecular level," he replied. "It fills the cracks perfectly and then vibrates with them the way the wood itself would. Like a broken bone, where it was shattered will now be stronger than before. You lost monetary value when you dropped it, but you haven't lost the instrument."

I thanked him, and I left. 

It was only much later that I realized that if I hadn't dropped the violin, I would indeed have lost it and sooner than I thought. If it hadn't been in the shop when it was, it would have been the violin stolen when the burglars broke in. Instead, I still have it and played it just yesterday.

So now, when things fall apart, I remember my violin and how the moment it broke was the moment it was saved. 

And then, I breathe.

http://www.med.navy.mil/sites/nmcphc/Documents/health-promotion-wellness/psychological-emotional-wellbeing/Combat-Tactical-Breathing.pdf 

Aladdin on Broadway - Review

I try to review at least one show, movie, or tv show a week on Review Mondays. Here is this week's review of Aladdin on Broadway.

Aladdin on Broadway, New York, NY 

Overall, the production was tons of fun. It was lavish, outlandish, and a treat for the eyes and ears.

The sets were lovely: colorful and evocative of a fantasy Sahara with all the bells and whistles you would expect from a Disney production. The cave set and the jeweled palace set were beautifully envisioned and realized. The Magic Carpet Ride was particularly well done with the actors riding the carpet all over (above) the stage. 

A couple of technical glitches kept me from losing myself in the look of the production. The Aladdin (an understudy) either got caught up in his mic cord or just covered the mic when he placed his turban back on his head, because his voice kept going in and out during the song, and he missed a cue where his scene partner had to ad-lib a sputtering bit of dialog (literally he sputtered before the show could grind to a halt).

Regardless, the overall look and feel evoked Disney, fun, and beauty with an underlying sensuality you expect from the costumes (tons of belly dancing garb), desert, and starry skies. I wanted to eat figs under a starry sky in the desert while the vibrant but muted colors of our tents fluttered in the breeze.

James Monroe Iglehart as the Genie was perfect. He had one small mis-speak, but yikes when you have as many words to say as he says and have to say them as quickly as he does, I can see how one might make its escape. Regardless, he gave a great ride. Some of his Robin Williams-isms were spot on and made me miss RW all over again. In my opinion, his singing, dancing, and acting were spot on. I loved the way he blasted through the fourth wall. He was so over the top that we couldn't help but join him on his fabulous journey.

Don Darryl Rivera as Iago was also tremendous. I believe they combined two characters into one. The parrot (named Iago) was gone and Abu, the monkey, was played by and as a live actor. He was hilarious, and reminded me a little bit of Elder Cunningham in Book of Mormon, if Elder Cunningham had been evil with a capital E.

Aladdin and Jasmine were both pretty good and I'm always happy to see young people get the opportunity to stretch and grow as performers. But I didn't and still don't understand why a Broadway show would have two understudies on a Saturday evening performance. I would imagine that both actors got sick and couldn't do the demanding roles for the day. Otherwise, I would love it if that had not been the case. They both did a fine job, but you could tell that neither was an in-the-pocket on the blocking and some of the singing that the regular cast members would have been. They also lacked a little of the chemistry the regular cast members would likely have had with best friends, ladies-in-waiting, and the Genie himself. They were enjoyable, but both brought me out of the action of the show a couple of times. At one point, poor Kassim had to ad-lib a bunch of splutter when Aladdin missed his cue.

I realize I'm being extremely nit-picky here, but I admit that unless there is something ridiculously terrible happening, I expect Broadway caliber performances at Broadway shows. I had a similar reaction when I saw Kinky Boots a few years ago and Lola was understudied. The gentleman in the role tried, but he was no match for the task at hand. 

Full disclosure: I am a performer. I play music. And I have often said that if an audience wants to see/hear it as perfect, then they should go buy the CD. Most of the time, I stick to that. Having said that, I feel that if an audience is paying hundreds of dollars per ticket, that rule doesn't apply or at least it might be an exception. The understudies should be better rehearsed so that those kinds of missed cues are minimized. Again, I realize I'm being harsh. If this had been a college production, I would have applauded their efforts. But I also would not have been paying hundreds to see the show.

This brings me to the dancing. I must wonder why a show that takes place in ancient Egypt (in the Sahara) and makes use of belly dancing costuming has almost no belly dancing in it. And what little they attempted to have was almost universally poor. Only one of the female dancers seemed to have any ability to dance using the abdominal isolations and movements so critical to good belly dancing. I found it strange because these are trained dancers and when they did other sorts of dancing, they were generally terrific. One of the other dancers was just terrible. She had so little movement or undulation to her trunk that I started wondering if she was injured or something. Also, I want to ponder the choreography. Much of it seemed like it was out of the shtetls of Eastern Europe. It was cool, but it was nowhere near what I expected. I wonder if the choreographer wanted to do more with it but couldn't do the dancing styles and experience of his cast.

Still and all, I enjoyed myself. I stood with the rest of the audience and applauded like crazy because like so many I enjoy the fairytale. I love the splendor of the Broadway musical, and I adore the magic carpet ride. I just wish the technical glitches hadn't happened and the understudies had been better rehearsed.

My reaction to the show can be encapsulated in one instant of it. For the most part, I had a great time at the show, and I was ready to weep openly at my favorite line during the magic carpet ride, "Don't you dare close your eyes." Unfortunately, Aladdin's turban obscured the mic, and the moment was lost. 

Happenstance Art - A lesson in mindfulness

I love Happenstance Art. It sneaks up on me and throws fairy dust in my eyes. It challenges me to stop what I'm doing and pay attention. It reminds me to be mindful.

I think that most of the time, art is placed as something separate from our day to day lives. We tend to think of art as something we must to seek out rather than something that is present all around us and inside us every minute of every day. We need to look at images, paintings, sculpture, etc. that were created by artists specifically for being studied and appreciated. We go to museums. We look art books. We treat art as something magnificent and yet purposeful. And often, those of us who don't feel we are creative, believe art is to be created by those other than ourselves. Here's the message from me to you: We are all creative. We are all artists. And we have an incredible opportunity to share what we see and sense.

Art is there every second. The curve of the line of a guitar's body can take your breath away. The way a car changes lanes with skill and finesse so that it melds its motion with and against all the other cars on the road has a certain artistic beauty. The pillars of light that filter sun rays and grace us with heavenly visions have an artistic sense. These all appear in our lives and can give us that momentary sense of the sublime.

And sometimes, art goes a step further. In an otherwise innocuous moment, it presents itself like a dare. "See me! Acknowledge me! Bathe your senses in me."

This morning that happened to me. Art smacked me awake when I was changing my guitar strings for a video shoot I have this evening. I slipped the G-string out of its packaging, and it made this:

I love the shape and the lines. I also love how my fingers holding the string winder make it all look somehow like a stylized imagine of a tropical bird. This morning the simple act of changing guitar strings transformed into a profound meditation on the state and nature of art.

I had to stop and appreciate it, because to do otherwise would be to ignore art's insistence that it be acknowledged. What a wonderful lesson first thing in the morning. "Remember, art comes at you. Your job is to meet it and play in its world."

My many roles as wedding officiant

Last night, I had the best meeting with the couple I'm marrying in a few weeks. We ironed out the ceremony (which is going to rock and from which I can't *wait* to see pictures) and I know my roles and responsibilities. Now, I have to find an all black gown and a good looking cloak so that I can be in proper garb.

What's cool about officiating weddings is that I often take on a much bigger role than most officiants. I often end up being the de facto Emcee as well, where I announce the fun goings-on and play a role in the way the entire day/evening unfolds.

At one wedding, I ended up being a flower arranger when the groom's step-mom ended up without flowers. We stole flowers from tables and the other bouquets to make one for her so she could wear it as they processed down the aisle. Of course, no one realized the gaff until right before the ceremony so we were flying around like banshees trying to find florists tape.

At another wedding, the musician who was supposed to play the processional on a harp never showed. Luckily, I had a recorder and my sound system in my car (I always have at least one instrument and my sound system in the car for every wedding now, just in case). So, I ended up playing a hot pink plastic soprano recorder into one of my mics for the processional before I then officiated the ceremony itself.

Luckily, I know a bunch of medieval and renaissance tunes on that thing, and I was able to play fun sprightly tunes for the flower girls, a couple of nice marches for the bridal party, and the bride got one of my favorite and most elegant of tunes, "Hole in the Wall." People cried and I was told the processional was one of the most hauntingly beautiful ones they had ever seen.

It was awesome. Hot pink soprano recorder - what a fun way to start a marriage.

Song lyrics and my curious need to have them make sense!

I am the first person to say that some of my pet peeves are completely ridiculous. And yet, they're mine so here goes...

A few years ago there was a song that got a lot of airplay. The lyrics of the first verse were the following:

"If I could grant you one wish, I wish you could see the way you kiss..."

Every single time I've heard the song (and it just came on the radio where I am sitting) I have cringed at these two lines.

The singer isn't talking about granting someone else's wish with her words. Ostensibly, the singer wants her partner to see how well he kisses. She would love it if he could see what she sees. That isn't granting someone else's (in this case, the partner's) wish at all.

She is actually talking about granting her *own* wish. To make any sort of sense, the lyrics ought to be

"If I could grant myself one wish, I wish you could see the way you kiss..."

But they aren't. Is this another case of the songwriter needing to fit either the scan or the rhyme scheme and therefore making no sense whatsoever with the lyrics? Or, did the songwriter not have a real understanding of what it means to grant someone's wish?

Either way, how did it happen that this song got so much air play?

What do you all think? Has songwriting evolved or devolved to where it stands today?

In high school, I played Jennie Parsons in our production of "Down in the Valley." There is a point at which Jennie must scream the scream to end all screams, at which point, the entire action of the show comes to a dead stop and it's just her scream that sounds and sounds and sounds. Well, I was sick. Unknown to all of us, I actually had pneumonia, but I decided it was just a bad cold and so I kept going with the show (I was the lead and there was no understudy).

On opening night, when it came time for me to scream (and this is an operetta mind you so it wasn't like we could slow down or back up or anything since the music came to a stop when it did and I was supposed to scream and that was supposed to climactically end the scene), I opened my mouth and absolutely nothing came out. So, there I was with everyone else frozen, the music stopped, the entire stage silent, and I had nada. The next night and through the end of the run, I had one of the guys in the chorus be my screamer. I would mime scream and then I'd touch his arm (we made sure he stood next to me) and he would scream for me. He had a scream that would curdle milk and make Freddy Krueger look around anxiously. And he saved my butt.

Childlike fun is on the menu, today.

What fascinating cards today! We have Six of Cups, the Page of Pentacles, and the Sun! Today, let's think about children, or ourselves as children. What did you like to do for fun when you were a kid? Do you still do it? Or, has it fallen off by the side of the road? If the answer to the first question is yes, then good onya and keep doing it (or perhaps find a newer, more fun way to update it so it suits you even better as you are today). If you answered no, well then, it's time to return to your roots. Take a few minutes right now and write down a quick list of the things you loved to do when you were younger. Did you play make believe? Fight dragons? Climb trees? Read books? Ice skate? Take karate lessons? Play trumpet? What was fun? Once you have them written out, circle the top three that were your favorite activities. Your mission should you choose to accept is to find a way to do at least one of these things today. It doesn't have to be a big deal. If you don't have time to go out and find a trumpet that you can play, take a minute and find a youtube video that features trumpet. Then, listen, really listen and enjoy the heck out of it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGlApx8lTIg

If you loved climbing trees and live in a place where there just aren't any climbing trees around, why then you can perhaps go and sit under a tree for lunch. Or, again let the internet come to the rescue and look at some images of great climbing trees.

If you have kids, play with them today. After school, after homework, make an evening of it. Grab the latest fun game, video, book, etc. and enjoy it together. Make a dinner that's not entirely healthy (mac and cheese anyone?), eat it together, and laugh. If it's clear out in your area tonight, grab a star chart and star gaze.

On a slightly more sober note, be practical about your kids today. Make sure they're all okay and have what they need. They will always push their limits, but remember, you're the parent, and you will always know more than they do. :)

Whatever it is you do tonight, find the joy in it and you will be amazed at how much fun you have, even with the simplest things.

Change, sacrifice, and what I eat

Rich informed me last night that Thanksgiving is the official National Day of Overeating and that he plans on doing just that. I have not known this fact. And in fact, I don't plan to overeat. Why? There are a few reasons. First, as I get older, I can't brush off overindulging as easily as I used to. There were days (and some of you who've known me a long time will attest to this) where I overdid to extremes. And slowly, over time, my body has told me that those days are over. I can't eat like crazy anymore. I can't stay up all night (unless it's a *very* special occasion and then I pay for my indulgence later). I can't drink until I see that blurry haze, like a misty rain that covers everything.

I spent time in that world and I can't anymore. Nowadays, my desserts tend to be fruit. My drink of choice is herbal tea or my own homemade ginger ale. My mood-lifters are yoga, swimming, or hiking with Hatha. I've changed, and I am grateful for the awareness that has led me to this place. It's actually pretty instant feedback. If I overeat (especially the wrong things) my body lets me know in no uncertain terms. When I am overly full, I have some trouble taking in a full deep breath. A yoga breath or a prep breath for singing become impossible while the food is working itself through my system. And you know what? I *like* taking those deep, healing, cleansing, relaxing breaths. So, I don't overeat to keep that ability. In the end, I'd rather sing and breathe.

The sugar: I gave up sugar as a sacrifice. It was a deal I made with the universe back in April when Kimba was missing for five days. Some may think it's ludicrous to make these kinds of sacrifices in a prayerful effort to make things better. To me, it's a profound "put my money where my mouth is" opportunity. If I want things to be better, I have to do something to make them better, universally better.

It doesn't matter to me whether or not the things I do are in the exact same topical arena as what I am trying to achieve. If I add to the good in the world, and I'm doing it holistically, then the net "good" in the world is higher and that works for me. Here's my rather circuitous logic about the sugar. I work regularly to help kids learn how to save the Earth through environmental literacy and education. It takes just about every bit of energy out of me to do it (and being hypothyroid, I don't have that much energy to begin with). So, I need to do everything in my power to maintain my energy levels to do the work. Sugar, especially processed sugar, is a drug to me. Once I start eating it, I have an awful time stopping. And it saps my energy. I know it does. I can feel the sugar high/crash cycle every single time I pop some delicious sugared/processed bite of food into my mouth.

The same goes for bread. About 20 minutes after I eat bread, I become soporific. And, I don't just mean a bit tired. I mean I have trouble keeping my eyes open. I sit and I don't move and my brain shuts down. This lasts anywhere from an hour to three hours depending on what else I've eaten. So, if I want to maintain any kind of energy level, I need to stay away from bread. But, get this: I love bread. I don't just like it. I LOVE it. Like potatoes, I could eat it at any time, day or night. Toasted with a good cheese or some butter or better yet with some Nutella is my favorite way to eat it (and now that I've gone vegan, those aren't options anymore, either). And yet, I've given it up. It's not wheat that I have to give up. It's, somehow, bread. Maybe it's the yeast. I don't know. What I do know is that tortilla wraps, especially whole grain ones, don't sap me the way bread does. Other grains: quinoa, brown rice, etc. don't sap me either. It's bread that's the culprit, and bread had to go in order for me to have the energy to do my work.

The same goes for french fries. Notice, I didn't say potatoes. I said french fries. They are probably my biggest bane. I can eat potatoes at every meal and be content. I can eat hash brown for breakfast, fries at lunch and a baked potato at dinner and be perfectly happy. But, while potatoes that aren't fried add to my energy level, fries sap me also. So, I've given them up, too.

All of this stuff was given up in sacrifice so Kimba would come home and so I could do my work. I made the deal with the universe. "I'll keep myself as healthy as possible to keep being able to do the work of helping kids to care about the Earth if you'll help me find my lost kitty." Giving these things up is a hardship, believe me, but it is way more than worth it, even if there is no causality in the "real world." I don't care about rationality here. I care about the outcome. The outcome? We found Kimba. I'm eating better. I have more energy to do the outreach that is so close to my heart, and I feel better and healthier (when I get enough sleep).

There is an additional side benefit to eating the way I am eating. And don't get me wrong. This isn't a small side benefit. It's a big one and it's one I've struggled with since I was nine years old. Those of you, who know me in real life, know that I am shaped rather like a mushroom (as opposed to some who are pear shaped or apple shaped, etc.). I have small hips, and large shoulders and very large breasts. It's taken me many years to come to terms with the way I am shaped and it has provided many challenges: everything from not being able to run easily, to back issues, to having all sorts of trouble finding clothes that fit.

Yesterday, I discovered I now fit into a smaller size shirt. No way am I buckin' that trend. ;) Thing is, I haven't particularly been dieting. I've given up some bad-for-me food (processed sugar, fries, bread) and I've gone vegan, but other than that, I eat what I want, when I want. Interestingly, my body feels more like it's changing shape than that it's getting smaller. Things are moving. Muscles are building in certain areas and fat cells are shrinking in others. I have no idea how much I weigh since I haven't stepped on a scale in forever. But, I can see that my body is changing. And it's in a good way.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to run more than a third of a mile before things start killing me, but I used to not be able to run more than a block, so I guess that's progress. The back issues? Well, they are easing up as my body changes and as I do more and more yoga. So I've set myself another challenge for the next year. My challenge for the next year? Yoga. Every single day. No matter what. I like these challenges. They help me compete with my self. I'm never going to be one of those non-competitive types who does something just because it's the right thing. I need a reason, a goal. If I don't have something to strive for or push against, I tend to lose interest. I need to motivate myself and these challenges do that.

The yoga will help in my next two steps. They are: stress reduction and more sleep. Once I achieve these two, I'll be even better prepared to do the work that calls me. If I want to write more books, create more music, teach more kids about ancient civilizations, ancient music, and saving the Earth, perform more, play more, sing more, travel more, and love more, well then, I need to be at my best and that means giving up the things that stand as obstacles.

So, I guess, in the end, I am not truly sacrificing anything. I am making an investment in my next book or song or experiment or class or hike or new place visited, or new connection forged. To me, that's what it's all about.