Finding Strength In Weakness

My thoughts this morning turn to finding strength in my weakness.

I was working with clients over the weekend. One of them talked about how he felt weak and that he wanted to go back and be strong how he used to be.

I said, "Wait, don't try to go backward to find that strength. Look forward to the strength you will find as you move through this time of weakness. That is where we find our strength, when we feel the most weak and vulnerable. We have to go through each step, good and bad, in order to find ourselves."

Then, I talked to them about my violin. It is an old instrument, from 1872. I have owned it since I was nine years old. It had a beautiful sound. About 20 years ago, I was walking with it down a flight of stone steps. I stumbled. It fell and cracked. My heart broke along with it. I took it to Violin House of Weaver (now Potter's Violins), which is one of the best Violin Houses in the world. 

"We'll take care of it," they promised. "You won't be able to tell the difference."

I had my doubts but I left it with them. In the meantime, to prepare for upcoming gigs a friend was kind enough to lend me his violin while mine was being repaired.

During that time, burglars broke into our house and stole a bunch of stuff. They stole my friend's violin. We tried in vain to find it at local pawn shops, but we never did. Luckily, we had insurance and while we weren't able to retrieve his violin, we were at least able to get him money for it. I still feel badly about that, but there was nothing we could have done to prevent it.

Meanwhile, my violin was still being repaired. In my heart of hearts, I knew it would never sound the way it had. I knew it would forever be broken, but I waited it out until the day came to go pick it up.

"Play it," the man behind the counter encouraged me.

I ran the bow across the strings and it was magic! The instrument sounded better than it had before.

"How did you do that?" I asked as I put my lovely violin away.

"The glue we use now works with the fibers of the wood on a molecular level," he replied. "It fills the cracks perfectly and then vibrates with them the way the wood itself would. Like a broken bone, where it was shattered will now be stronger than before. You lost monetary value when you dropped it, but you haven't lost the instrument."

I thanked him, and I left. 

It was only much later that I realized that if I hadn't dropped the violin, I would indeed have lost it and sooner than I thought. If it hadn't been in the shop when it was, it would have been the violin stolen when the burglars broke in. Instead, I still have it and played it just yesterday.

So now, when things fall apart, I remember my violin and how the moment it broke was the moment it was saved. 

And then, I breathe.

http://www.med.navy.mil/sites/nmcphc/Documents/health-promotion-wellness/psychological-emotional-wellbeing/Combat-Tactical-Breathing.pdf 

Conquering fear with purpose and on purpose

Nowadays, I tend to get over my fears through will power. And here's why. 

About 24 years ago or so, my father was building a big ol' house in MI. I went to visit and the place still very much under construction. There was a huge, tall, steep staircase sort of in the middle of the space. It led to the bedroom suite as I recall. Now, the staircase wasn't built yet. It was a bunch of nailed two by fours. To see the upstairs, we had to climb them. I got up just fine, but when it came time to head back down, I stared at the rickety-looking two by fours and my head swam. Because of the way I'm shaped, I can't really see my feet so I was going to have to walk down those "stairs" blind, as it were. I got too scared and instead turned around and crawled on hands and feet down the steps. Then, we went around the rest of the space. I was okay, but the thought that those two by fours had beaten me kept buzzing around inside my head. Right as we were about to leave, I made the decision. I ran back into the house and up the stairs. I steeled myself and I walked down those rickety two by fours with purpose and on purpose. I still remember the feeling of conquering that fear. It was glorious.

Now, whenever I am afraid, I think of that moment, that decision, that in some ways changed everything for me. And when I do, my fears cower before me. I like that.

Today's Tarot: Strength (patience, strength, inner knowing)

Today's Tarot: Strength

(patience, fortitude, inner knowing)

Ah, my favorite card in the deck and not just because it depicts a woman lovingly stroking a lion.

I've always loved this card because its name belies its true meaning. The word strength implies outer, physical strength (think the Chariot card if you want to go in that direction). It makes us think of some sort of display of that strength. But the Strength card is wilier and sneakier than that. It doesn't mean strong-arming a thing. Quite the contrary, it means internal moxie, if you will. It is all about knowing your inner landscape and being at peace with it.

If you look deep inside yourself, you will find a well, no, an ocean of reserves, often, when you least expect it to actually be there. We spend our lives being tested in one way or another. And, we often feel we have failed either others' expectations of us or more importantly, our own expectations of what we can do and whom we can be.

The Strength card calls on us to go inward, to go deep, and come out the other side with the certainty that we know who we are, we understand what we can do, and we are at peace about that state of ourselves. Then, we can move forward from that place of certainty and do whatever we need to do.

So, today, if you find yourself tested, don't be a gladiator. You don't need to prove a thing to anyone but yourself. Instead of reacting strongly, close your eyes, breathe deeply and connect your innerscape with the universe's outerscape. Don't know how to do that? It's not too difficult. As your eyes are closed, breathe in and note the sensation of taking in life-giving air. Send your senses out and note what you hear, smell, and touch. Acknowledge the clothes on your skin, the hair on your head, the sounds, hums, whirs, and chirps around you, and the feel of your body, mind, and spirit in this place and this time. The beauty of this connection is that it helps us remember that we are all part of it all and that goes for us, that which challenges us, and those who stand with us or against us. Once you have that connection established, open your eyes and face your challenge. With that strength, you will prevail.

And when in doubt, remember what that fabulous sage Youmei Zhang says so eloquently: "If not this door, another door."

This week's tarot: balance, strength, flexibility, compassion, passion, ebullience, and action

Balance, Strength, Flexibility. I could say these are words to live by this week. But then I'd have to add, action, passion, and compassion as well.

This draw of cards is pretty impressive, actually. You don't often see so much positive show up in one three-card draw. Let me go get my shades ('cause our future's so bright, I gotta go get 'em) and try to encapsulate this much awesome into a few lines on a page.

First card: The Chariot. Want to do something? Start it. Want to tell someone how you feel? Say it (from a place of balance rather than grasping, but yeah, get to it, go say it). If it doesn't work, at least you will know for certain one way or the other and you won't spend any more time wondering. The Chariot really means forward motion from a position of strength, balance, and purpose. Deep down, you know what you need to do. Even if it is scary, if you stay in your own peace of mind, heart, and spirit, you will say exactly what you need to say and do exactly what you need to do. There's no real reason to wait (except if you aren't in that peaceful place yet, then yes, I'd say wait until you are). So, if you have a decision to make, make it by Wednesday. If you have something you need to do, no time like the present to start. And if you have something you need to say, reach down deep, figure out exactly what the words need to be, state that you need to be heard, and say. the. words. It might not be terrific in the moment, but in the long run, it will be absolutely what you need. So, take a deep breath (or two or six), find your inner peace, make sure you are balanced, and then go!

Second Card: Queen of Cups. Compassion, tenderness, creativity, emotional fulfillment. All these can be yours, if you cut yourself some slack. Before you can show compassion to anyone else, you really might consider showing some to yourself. Drink deep from the well of your own emotions and see how they taste. Often, we extend courtesies, help, and love to anyone and everyone around us before we ever even think about doing the same for ourselves. The queen is here to say, find that light and love within yourself. Drink it in. Bathe in it. Give yourself all sorts of attention and then when you feel satiated, turn that love, generosity and compassion outward and marvel at the results. Oh and if you have been thinking about pursuing a new creative endeavor, wow is this the week to start. 

And to round things off, the Ace of Rods. Wow and wow. Begin. Leap. Play. Act. Create. Do. Jump. Start. Once you have the Chariot's strength and the Queen of Cups' compassion, you will find that all the universe lines up to take a leap of faith and begin the thing you need to begin. The time will come pretty soon and you will want and need to act. The important thing: take care of your needs, be compassionate to yourself and others and then the passion you feel, the dream you want to pursue will be made self-evident and you will have a window of opportunity from which to fly.

Remember: balance, strength, flexibility, compassion, passion, ebullience, and action. Those are the watch words of this week. Meditate on them. Incorporate them into your inner space and they will become manifest in your outer world. 

Work and play in equal measure.

Today's cards: Strength, The Fool, Ace of Rods. Wow, these cards are perfect for me today. I've spent the last few days sick as anything, barely moving, and feeling like death warmed over and then left out on a table to be feasted on by ants. This morning, I have finally have energy and a bit of strength. This morning feels like things are brand new, like there are all sorts of possibilities out there just waiting to be grabbed with both hands. And I'm gonna! It's so appropriate to have drawn these three cards today because that's really what they mean as a triad.

The Fool talks about taking a leap of faith, starting on a new path, jumping off the cliff into the uncertainty while have the belief that things will be well. No, perhaps not well. Perhaps they will be even better than just good. Perhaps they will be stupendous, fantastic, and wonder-licious. And even if they aren't, if we stay present to whatever happens, like the Fool does in his innocence, why then, it will all still be good because we will still be in that moment of living our lives, moving toward our purpose, and staying flexible to whatever life brings us.

I know, I know, it sounds like a bunch of hooey, but stay with me, here. What if we just try to take everything in as it comes towards us? What if, instead of stressing about the might-be's and ought-to-do's, we just relax and go with the flow? A friend of mine says that cats can be our greatest teachers for of that lesson. She says that cats know the Way and they are always in it. Take a look at the image of the two sleeping kitties http://folknouveau.com/izolda/kittiesway.jpg. What if we were all able to relax and just be like they are? What if we all had the strength to know that we would handle things as they came instead of needing to worry about them (excessively) and plan for every eventuality? See, because that's what the Strength card brings us today. It brings us the knowledge that within ourselves, we have strength. We are strong enough to be pliable when we need to be and that our strength can come from within. Our strength will always be a force to be reckoned with as long as we stay in that peaceful place. Like a river that gently wears away rock, our flowing motions will eventually bring about revolutionary change.

The Ace of Rods is a call to action here. The action, of course, is up to us. For me personally, today will be a hit of the reset button. Many of my personal projects came to a close last week. And then, I promptly caught a severe stomach bug. But today, I feel rejuvenated. I feel refreshed. I am not 100% but that Ace helps me take courage and reminds me that I will be fine. I will find the energy and vitality to do my work and play on this planet. The other cards remind me to take the leap of faith of that and to remember to be strong in my own flexibility and confident in my abilities and spirit to get the job(s) done.