They all say to stop and breathe, but how exactly do we do it?

Oh my goodness there are a ton of posts on mindfulness, meditation, and anxiety reduction. Almost all of them have some form of, "stop, be still, and breathe to calm yourself." It's great advice. And it works. The trouble is, how do you stop, be still, and breathe when you might be scared, anxious, nervous, or downright freakin' out?

What are the magical steps? How do you grab onto the focus and calm that lets you take any sort of breath when you are already stressed? And even if you manage to take a deep breath, are you doing it correctly? Will you get the most relaxation bang for your inhalation buck?

Most of us breathe inefficiently. I've taught thousands of people to sing and speak and I've watched them breathe to assess what they are doing and how they are doing it. Almost every single person breathes in such a way that she or he uses up a great deal of energy and motion on the breath but almost never gets the full benefit of either that breath or that energy expenditure.

So, let's take a look at breathing. In these next few posts on Communication Thursdays, we'll go over it step by step, and get you the information you need to breathe deeply and effectively.

We breathe involuntarily. We don't think about it. Some people have to think about it because it's not a voluntary action to them and that must be arduous. Others have breathing issues like asthma, and although this post might be helpful to them, I admit it's not geared towards them. For the rest of us, breathing requires almost no thought. If we aren't sick or having other breathing issues, we breathe easily. However, although we breathe easily, we often breathe inefficiently. And if we want to reap the rewards deep breathing can bring, we must become efficient breathers. With full and mindful breathing, we will reap the many benefits that such breathing can bring.

Let's take the next few minutes together and breathe with purpose. I'll show you how. Stand up (if you aren't already) and take a big ol' breath. I'll wait right here. :)

How did that feel?

Did your shoulders rise up when you inhaled? Did your belly, back, and chest feel tight or cramped? If you don't remember, bring your awareness to your body, take another breath and try to answer these questions. I'll bet you answered yes to at least one of them. If so, then you can improve your breathing.

Did you feel balanced when you inhaled? How did it feel to take that deep breath? See if you can become aware of how you are inhaling and exhaling. Take care if you start to feel a little lightheaded. We are not used to deep breathing and the extra oxygen can make us feel a little woozy. If you start to feel that, sit down, relax and try it again after the feeling passes.

Ready to try again? Good.

Now, let's take the breaths we were taking and make them even better. 

First, let's think about our alignment. Whether we are breathing deeply to sing, speak, address discomfort or just for the sake of these exercises, it is a good idea to maintain good posture and alignment. Let's start from the bottom. 

Our stance is the core of good breath. And a good stance will be to keep your feet hip width whether or you are standing or sitting. So, let's try it. Stand (or sit, if that is what is comfortable for you) with your feet hip width apart. To make sure your feet are hip width apart, stand (or sit) with your feet facing forward draw an imaginary line from your second toe (of each foot), through the middle of your ankle, up through the middle of your knee, and up to your hip points. Hip points are the part of your hip that points in front of you or juts out to the front. It is not the outside of your hips. If you stand with this alignment, you are well on your way to maintaining good posture.

Next time, we will talk about your trunk, shoulders, neck, and head and how to maintain proper alignment in those parts of your body. Once you have proper alignment, we will talk inhalations, exhalations, and every part in between to get you breathing deeply, fully, and effectively.

In the meantime, whenever you must speak, sing, or even just stand for any length of time, try to remember this alignment tip. It will help you stand longer and more easily. 

Until next time, here's a thought on breath.

Conquering fear with purpose and on purpose

Nowadays, I tend to get over my fears through will power. And here's why. 

About 24 years ago or so, my father was building a big ol' house in MI. I went to visit and the place still very much under construction. There was a huge, tall, steep staircase sort of in the middle of the space. It led to the bedroom suite as I recall. Now, the staircase wasn't built yet. It was a bunch of nailed two by fours. To see the upstairs, we had to climb them. I got up just fine, but when it came time to head back down, I stared at the rickety-looking two by fours and my head swam. Because of the way I'm shaped, I can't really see my feet so I was going to have to walk down those "stairs" blind, as it were. I got too scared and instead turned around and crawled on hands and feet down the steps. Then, we went around the rest of the space. I was okay, but the thought that those two by fours had beaten me kept buzzing around inside my head. Right as we were about to leave, I made the decision. I ran back into the house and up the stairs. I steeled myself and I walked down those rickety two by fours with purpose and on purpose. I still remember the feeling of conquering that fear. It was glorious.

Now, whenever I am afraid, I think of that moment, that decision, that in some ways changed everything for me. And when I do, my fears cower before me. I like that.

The Writing Road is full of cul de sacs, bumps, and superhighways

I've released two books. One is non-fiction and the other is fiction. The first "Life Elements," I released back in 2008. It's done well, and I periodically still do workshops and other marketing to boost sales. What hadn't I done until yesterday? For whatever reason, I waited and waited and waited until more than five years later to release it as an official Kindle version. How ridiculous is that?

For this book, I do have a good reason. Some of the things I needed a Kindle edition to be able to do (links, etc.) was not terribly possible when I started. I needed the book to be interactive. There is an assessment to take in the print version of the book that was impossible to convert to Kindle. So, I waited. And I was biding my time to see if/when it would be possible. I developed (with help) a version of the assessments that are up on the book's website and that people who get the ebook can get to via links instead of having the assessment in the ebook like it is in the print edition. It was just not practical to try and build something like it with the tech the way it was. Yesterday, I grabbed it all by the short and curlies and just did it. Links and all, it's finally up. Who knows what it will bring in terms of sales, but it was way better than not having the book up at all.

For the second book, "The Fiddler's Talisman," I had absolutely no excuse not to get the book up and out and doing its thing along the internet superhighway. I had it stuck in a little hidden cul de sac and it was doing a beautiful job of going round and round but not getting anywhere. I knew I needed to make some changes to it. I knew the cover was skewing too young for the content matter of the darn thing. I knew, I knew, I knew. And I also knew it was darn important for me to get the book out there in the Kindle format. People are purchasing ebooks more than ever before (and the vast majority of them buy ebooks on amazon) so if you are an author and you don't publish your book on Kindle, you are taking a hammer to your foot.

And yet, I hesitated. Oh, I had lots of excuses. The whole DRM and Kindle Select issues made me squeamish. Redesigning the cover also did a number on me. Plus, I admit it. I was just afraid. I love the book I wrote. I'm proud of it. It's so important to me to tell this story because I do believe in the power of music to heal and to make magic. Plus, this is the first book in the series and I have many more stories to tell in this wacky universe I've created. Heck, each of the Fairy Godparents could have their own tale. And yet, I think because it was so important to me, I waited. And waited. And waited.

This whole experience made me come to the obvious conclusion. When it's important, I get it done. When it's really, really, super duper important? I'll sit on it like a mother bird on a golden egg, and some part of me will be too scared to let it hatch, breathe, and live. I'm so glad a bigger part of me wanted to release Evie Songbottom on a larger part of the unsuspecting world. Despite the fear, I had to do it anyway. Yes, it might jump out of the nest and fall to its death below. Or, it might leap and fly. In the end, I have to find out which it will be.

Regardless, I'll keep writing the tales of Evie, Joanna, Daniel, Zeke, Mar, and the rest. They've taken on their own lives now and they will be pissed at me if I ignore them like this again.

See you on the Writing Road.

There is nothing to fear, but fear?

I have an incredibly busy day ahead, but instead of rushing, I am taking time to sit and digest an apple and some new information.

During last night's reading frenzy, I read for a couple of women who are having some tough times. One of the things we talked about was that one of them keeps getting more responsibility at work but no promotions and certainly no additional pay. This has been going on for years and she won't do anything about it (she is nervous that they will just fire her).

So, my question is: how do we deal with that? How do we deal with the fear that if we stand up for ourselves and demand appropriate treatment/compensation that they will just say, "well that's too bad. We'll just go find someone else to do the job."

Personally, I have stood up for myself despite the fear that it might cost me my job (and sometimes it has) and friends (and sometimes it has). And I have never regretted those choices. Again, personally, I much prefer to jump out on that limb and demand to be treated right than to sit tight in a shell and stress and cry and rage in silence.

But the question remains, if we live in such uncertain times, how do we get over/release the fear of standing up for ourselves? I've done it because not standing up for myself is harder on me and my internal state/psyche so I'm not sure it's a matter of choice.

What do you do? How do you overcome those fears?

I will add to this post or perhaps do more on this because the topic fascinates me. From the time we are mobile as babies, we hear messages that we ought to be afraid of strangers, electrical outlets, glass, the items under the kitchen sink, etc. We learn that many things are dangerous and most of us stay away from them. But what does it do to us as adults when that paradigm of fear is instilled in us so young?

How does that history affect who we are and how we behave when we can discern the dangers and make our own decisions?

Ah, the mystery! (or what jumped out of your anxiety closet this morning?)

Today's cards: King of Cups, King of Swords, Four of Cups. Ah, the mystery! Today's big question is, what aren't you seeing that's right in front of your face? To me, the Four of Cups is about not seeing/sensing the obvious. It's right there plain as day but for some reason, it remains elusive. So, it looks like the trick today is to step back, and take stock and ask the questions you need to ask.

See, before you can move forward from that emotionally and mentally healthy place, you need the truth. And to misquote the great Jack Nicholson, you can totally handle the truth. Whatever it is, will be much easier for you to handle than the monsters you've built up in your head. Once you transform those unknowns into knowns, once you remove the veil from your eyes, the big, hulking terrifying monster of whatever anxiety jumped out of your own personal anxiety closet might just turn into a soft, mewling kitten who wants nothing more than to be cuddled, snoogled, and loved.

We're all just people. We all have fears. We all have desires. We all have issues. Because of that, we have some common bonds, and if we can remove all the social niceties and barriers to being real, then we can get to the heart of whatever it is that we all fear, hate, love, and want. Get to that place with your personal demons, and you've got 'em by the short hairs. Then, you can express your unique perspective and more than likely get what you want.

It's like that old trick they tell you about when you have to do public speaking. Imagine your audience naked. That evens the playing field. Well, underneath our clothes, we're all completely naked. Remember that, remember that you are equal to whomever and whatever you fear, and then your mental and emotional parts will rejoice because then they can do what they need to do.