May this be the day things change

Dare I comment on this?

I'm afraid if I start, I won't stop and will devolve into screaming.

Somewhere, somehow, this madness has become a viable strategy for crackpots who aren't happy with the number of dates they've gotten, what someone else worships, or worse because they woke up and decided they would like to try to kill people and see what that's like.

When did that happen? How have we become so warped as a society that this is somehow a path that is even open for consideration? How has violence, extreme violence, become such a commonplace response to stimuli? And what's more important, what can we do about it?

I could rage against the lax gun laws, and if you know me, you already know my thoughts on that. So, I won't. I could rage against the ease with which people can get guns illegally (heck I could get one tomorrow and no one would be the wiser). And I'm not going to do that either. I could ponder the thought that I've been having that the paradigm of computer games and movies which show people dying again and again and then coming back like nothing ever happened has changed our consciousness and our awareness of death and its permanent status. (I read for enough young people who tell me that have contemplated "the suicide" [their words] as a method of dealing with their unhappiness to know that they aren't truly aware that they won't come back to a better, brighter future after they have died. They don't seem to grok that it is permanent. And we spend time talking about that during their readings before I give them the number of the suicide hotline and the therapist I know who lives closest to them [yes, I keep a database].) There are any number of issues we could highlight as the reason so many choose this as a course of action.

But, in the end, it doesn't matter because people are dead. Young people who had dreams and lives they wanted to live are gone. They will never have the chance to live their purpose. That is what matters. And what's more, the guy who killed them is dead and that means we can't study him and find out what transpired inside his twisted brain that made this an okay thing to do and apparently to promote on cchan beforehand. 

Because ultimately, that is what I want to know and change. I want to know why these people are doing it. I want to know what sort of issue inside them calls them to this extreme and abhorrent course of action. I can't help thinking that if we figure it out, we will be able to change the future.

I hope so. I hope we can determine the root cause of this decision and figure out a way to avert it. Or it will get worse. 

I am an idealist. I want to see and live in a society where no one kills or is killed. I want to see us all work together to usher in a peaceful world. This morning that ideal feels much farther away. And yet I cling to hope.

My heart and thoughts are with those who are wounded and the families of those who were murdered. 

May this be the day things change.

Vacations: a vital part of life.

Why I take vacations

I don't do it often, but it turns out I need the recharge time.

I'm crawling back to myself on this break. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my roles in the lives of my friends, my clients, my students, and the world at large.

The big revelation? I spend a lot of my time and my self generating output. I give readings, advice, education, performances, etc. And usually all of that comes with its own brand of communication. When I perform, I strive for an exchange of energy. The audience and I make time for a chat. It's just that some of the chat is me making music and them listening. The rest of the time, we converse. Truly.

When I teach, the exchange is almost as 50/50. I learn from my students almost as much as they learn from me. 

When I do readings or coaching, the energy output is much more mine since the people who come to me want my guidance and rarely is it a full exchange. Rather, it is my output to help them heal, progress, and grow towards their highest path.

When I volunteer for causes I support, I do so with an open heart and the fervent hope that what I am doing will help make a difference. There is satisfaction in a job well-done in volunteer work that I rarely get from any other sort of work I do.

I've always operated on the premise that my wellspring was infinite. I tell clients all the time that they need to stop, breathe, and recharge. But it turns out, I've not been taking my own advice.

Before this vacation, I was running on fumes. I was surviving, but I was not thriving. And since my goal is to not only survive but thrive, it has become clear to me that I have been working at cross purposes with myself and with my highest path.

Well, that had to stop. I wasn't paying attention to myself and my needs. And my body started giving me messages that if I didn't chill out, it was going to chill me out for me. So, Rich and I hatched this rather last-minute plan to go away for a bit before the craziness of the autumn season falls upon us.

Once the Ren Fest starts, I will be working seven days a week until December 26th. Since I already maintain a similar pace and have been for the last few years, I needed this break.

And that makes me think. How many of us push ourselves past our limits and forget that we even have them? How many of us exhaust ourselves with work and when we're done look for the next thing on the list to tackle? There will always be another challenge, another item on the "To-do" list. Another project will beckon. Another quest will present itself.

And yet, if we aren't well-rested, we will not be at our best. If we are not relaxed, we might falter when we most need to stand strong and resolute.

This is all my way of saying that I've decided to cut myself some slack. And I want to encourage everyone else to do that too. The projects, goals, and to-do lists aren't going anywhere. They will be there tomorrow. 

Here's the thing, though. The instant you look at a project with dread rather than anticipation, it might be time to look at either your motivation or your energy level. I think even the most arduous and heinous things we need to do to live our lives can present a fun challenge rather than a drudgerous task. The things that tip that scale? First, is the level of our fear about being able to do it well. To that I give that ol' platitude, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." It might be corny, but it is true. This is for another post, but when we feel fear, that reaction is giving us clues. They key here is to learn to interpret them and then utilize the information they provide. More on this later.

Second is our stress level. If we fear being able to achieve our goals, often, we will avoid embarking on the mission. If we are too tired or too stressed, we will avoid the arduous task like the plague. And that will only prolong the agony. So, the lesson I've learned here is if we are too stressed to do justice to our task, perhaps it's time to take a break and relax and release some of that stress before we accept the challenge. Then, we can come to it with fresh eyes and a full heart.

And by the way, it doesn't have to be a long break. Not every break has to be five days in Key West (though that doesn't hurt, let me tell you). A break can be five minutes of breathing with eyes closed or a walk around the block or petting your cat (one of my personal favorites). If we do something to release the grip of stress, we will do better and we will be better. Certainly, we will feel better.

I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies, "The Princess Bride:" "Remember, if you don't have your health, you don't have anything." -Count Rugen

A bikini and a swimming pool: A lesson in body image

(This might offend some, but it's what I'm thinking about so consider yourselves warned.) 

I'm too much a product of my upbringing. And that saddens me. But, I'm so proud of the people in front of me, and that makes me weep joyful tears.

I'm hanging out by the pool, and we are in "The Europeans have landed" mode. There are no fewer than four families from various parts of Europe hanging out by the pool before we all disburse to our various activities for the day.

A few particular people have caught my eye. Two girls, who are about twelve or thirteen are frolicking in the pool. Both are wearing bikinis. Neither is thin. At all. Both have bellies that hang out over their bikini bottoms. Both have full, big hips and thighs. Both are doing their thing without a care as to whether or not they "should" be wearing bikinis with the kind of figures they have. They are just doing it and having a blast making handstands and somersaults and giggles. 

When I was their age, I would not have dreamed of putting a bikini on my body. My breasts alone would have made wearing a two-piece suit an impossibility. Heck, to this day, I wouldn't dream of it because frankly the straps cutting into my shoulders would be too painful unless I pay big money for a custom-made suit, which I won't be doing (and I like my low-cut one-piece purple and pink suit just fine, thank you very much. :) ). But the big issue? Both my parents let me (and my sisters) know that we were too fat and that we should not ever reveal ourselves like that in public. They reinforced that message daily in ways big and small. 

So, while I loved the water, the pool, and the beach, I covered myself up. Some of you, who took swimming with me in high school might remember that I wore a t-shirt over my swimsuit. I was a great swimmer. I could do a backwards dive off the high board (and did and that was how I got an automatic A in the class) and not blink an eye. I have since learned how to scuba dive. And you know what? Never would I do it while wearing a two-piece suit. How strange and sad is that!

We all get messages from the world at large about what we should and shouldn't do. And the messages fall on a continuum. The hope is that our  parents would fall on the positive end of that scale. The wish is that they would land squarely on the "You go girl! You are awesome! And how great that you can dive off the high dive (regardless of what you are wearing)!" side of things.

But often, too often, we receive the exact opposite messages from parents and other elders whose job it is to help us develop a strong sense of self and a healthy ego. I didn't have children, but I like to think I would fall on the positive end of that spectrum. I certainly try to support the young people in my life as they stretch and grow. I do have some views on being too sedentary at too young an age, but that has little to do with body image and a lot to do with good health, wellbeing, and quality of life. 

I wish I could come up to these young women and tell them how incredible I think they are. And I wish I could give the parents a "high five" for doing such a great job raising their kids. Both girls are well-adjusted, happy, adventurous, and fantastic. And they have their parents' support as they develop. I would love it if everyone had the opportunity to feel that way as they grow up.

I also wish we lived in a society where what a girl or woman chooses to wear wasn't up for debate or discussion. As I said first thing, I hope that part of this essay doesn't offend people. I guess I'm a product of my society as much as I am one of my upbringing. I still wonder and question and ponder these issues and how they affect women and girls all over the world.

Right now, the dad and one of the daughters are hanging out in the pool. They are giggling and bouncing and having a great time. He is helping her straighten her underwater handstand. He is providing support, encouragement, advice, and a boundary as she explores this new skill. And as far as I'm concerned those are four of the biggest and best things parents can do for their kids.

Ah, the mystery! (or what jumped out of your anxiety closet this morning?)

Today's cards: King of Cups, King of Swords, Four of Cups. Ah, the mystery! Today's big question is, what aren't you seeing that's right in front of your face? To me, the Four of Cups is about not seeing/sensing the obvious. It's right there plain as day but for some reason, it remains elusive. So, it looks like the trick today is to step back, and take stock and ask the questions you need to ask.

See, before you can move forward from that emotionally and mentally healthy place, you need the truth. And to misquote the great Jack Nicholson, you can totally handle the truth. Whatever it is, will be much easier for you to handle than the monsters you've built up in your head. Once you transform those unknowns into knowns, once you remove the veil from your eyes, the big, hulking terrifying monster of whatever anxiety jumped out of your own personal anxiety closet might just turn into a soft, mewling kitten who wants nothing more than to be cuddled, snoogled, and loved.

We're all just people. We all have fears. We all have desires. We all have issues. Because of that, we have some common bonds, and if we can remove all the social niceties and barriers to being real, then we can get to the heart of whatever it is that we all fear, hate, love, and want. Get to that place with your personal demons, and you've got 'em by the short hairs. Then, you can express your unique perspective and more than likely get what you want.

It's like that old trick they tell you about when you have to do public speaking. Imagine your audience naked. That evens the playing field. Well, underneath our clothes, we're all completely naked. Remember that, remember that you are equal to whomever and whatever you fear, and then your mental and emotional parts will rejoice because then they can do what they need to do.