Vacations: a vital part of life.

Why I take vacations

I don't do it often, but it turns out I need the recharge time.

I'm crawling back to myself on this break. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my roles in the lives of my friends, my clients, my students, and the world at large.

The big revelation? I spend a lot of my time and my self generating output. I give readings, advice, education, performances, etc. And usually all of that comes with its own brand of communication. When I perform, I strive for an exchange of energy. The audience and I make time for a chat. It's just that some of the chat is me making music and them listening. The rest of the time, we converse. Truly.

When I teach, the exchange is almost as 50/50. I learn from my students almost as much as they learn from me. 

When I do readings or coaching, the energy output is much more mine since the people who come to me want my guidance and rarely is it a full exchange. Rather, it is my output to help them heal, progress, and grow towards their highest path.

When I volunteer for causes I support, I do so with an open heart and the fervent hope that what I am doing will help make a difference. There is satisfaction in a job well-done in volunteer work that I rarely get from any other sort of work I do.

I've always operated on the premise that my wellspring was infinite. I tell clients all the time that they need to stop, breathe, and recharge. But it turns out, I've not been taking my own advice.

Before this vacation, I was running on fumes. I was surviving, but I was not thriving. And since my goal is to not only survive but thrive, it has become clear to me that I have been working at cross purposes with myself and with my highest path.

Well, that had to stop. I wasn't paying attention to myself and my needs. And my body started giving me messages that if I didn't chill out, it was going to chill me out for me. So, Rich and I hatched this rather last-minute plan to go away for a bit before the craziness of the autumn season falls upon us.

Once the Ren Fest starts, I will be working seven days a week until December 26th. Since I already maintain a similar pace and have been for the last few years, I needed this break.

And that makes me think. How many of us push ourselves past our limits and forget that we even have them? How many of us exhaust ourselves with work and when we're done look for the next thing on the list to tackle? There will always be another challenge, another item on the "To-do" list. Another project will beckon. Another quest will present itself.

And yet, if we aren't well-rested, we will not be at our best. If we are not relaxed, we might falter when we most need to stand strong and resolute.

This is all my way of saying that I've decided to cut myself some slack. And I want to encourage everyone else to do that too. The projects, goals, and to-do lists aren't going anywhere. They will be there tomorrow. 

Here's the thing, though. The instant you look at a project with dread rather than anticipation, it might be time to look at either your motivation or your energy level. I think even the most arduous and heinous things we need to do to live our lives can present a fun challenge rather than a drudgerous task. The things that tip that scale? First, is the level of our fear about being able to do it well. To that I give that ol' platitude, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." It might be corny, but it is true. This is for another post, but when we feel fear, that reaction is giving us clues. They key here is to learn to interpret them and then utilize the information they provide. More on this later.

Second is our stress level. If we fear being able to achieve our goals, often, we will avoid embarking on the mission. If we are too tired or too stressed, we will avoid the arduous task like the plague. And that will only prolong the agony. So, the lesson I've learned here is if we are too stressed to do justice to our task, perhaps it's time to take a break and relax and release some of that stress before we accept the challenge. Then, we can come to it with fresh eyes and a full heart.

And by the way, it doesn't have to be a long break. Not every break has to be five days in Key West (though that doesn't hurt, let me tell you). A break can be five minutes of breathing with eyes closed or a walk around the block or petting your cat (one of my personal favorites). If we do something to release the grip of stress, we will do better and we will be better. Certainly, we will feel better.

I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies, "The Princess Bride:" "Remember, if you don't have your health, you don't have anything." -Count Rugen

Productivity Tuesday: Feel Free to Forgive Yourself

Sometimes, despite our best efforts to be productive and to complete projects on time, we get overwhelmed. Too many deadlines loom. Too many to-do items beckon. Too much has to be done right this instant.
I just had this happen yesterday. I returned from a weekend away to a mountain of projects that ballooned into emergencies through no fault of my own. I could not get them done no matter how hard I tried. There was only so much of the ten pounds of poop my five pound bag would hold.

I stressed out. Immediately, my stomach clenched, my jaw ached, and my head pounded. I started the hamster-in-the-wheel race to get everything done, but I eventually admitted defeat. I was not going to be able to complete everything on my plate for yesterday. And then, on top of that realization I also heaped on a huge helping of guilt for not being super woman and somehow eking out a miracle. Talk about a double-whammy!

After a couple of hours of this double-whammy of stress and guilt, I took a break. I sat down in my chair. A cat climbed into my lap, and together, we closed our eyes, breathed deeply, and relaxed. I didn't rest for long, but I needed a breather. I needed to center and relax if only for five minutes. And most of all, I needed to release myself from the prison of guilt for not being able to do the impossible. I put down that burden, opened my eyes, and then proceeded to kick butt on everything else I could do for the day.

I'll be honest, I would not have been able to proceed nearly as well or as productively if I hadn't taken those few minutes to unwind and release my guilt. The guilt would have continued to weigh me down. I would have labored under it for the rest of the day and not gotten nearly as much done.

It has taken me something like 40 years to learn that particular lesson. And it is this: Forgive yourself and recommit to the plan tomorrow.

 

Stress Reduction Step 1: Know that you know your stuff

With the solstice, I plan to embark on a year-long quest to eliminate stress from my life (and I as I incorporate new methods, I will chronicle them here). Sure, I keep talking about getting rid of stress and I even manage my stress pretty well, but there are certain patterns I'm seeing that contribute to my stressed out state and I have so far been unable to change them. This Solstice will mark the first step in a journey that I hope will alleviate some of the stress (most of which I place on myself).

I've identified one of the biggest contributors to my stress levels remaining high, and it is an insidious little bugger. Here it is: the way my brain seems to work is that if I don't do something consistently and keep improving at it, I start losing the skill. Now, that's not the insidious part. I figure a lot of us have that issue in that "if you don't use it, you lose it." No, the part that stresses me out is what happens to my perception of my ability to do what I haven't been practicing. 

Instead, of thinking, "oh yes, I'd better practice that up a bit so I have my chops up for this gig or that event," I end up thinking something along the lines of, "Holy crap! I haven't done a palm reading in three weeks, and now I have completely lost my skills to do it." Partially, that's because when I consciously try to remember *how* to do a palm reading, I draw a blank. It is not until I am seated at a table with someone in front of me that my years of training (and doing) flood back and I not only remember but usually kick butt. And that's the thing. I've practiced it and studied it sufficiently that the skill is no longer conscious. It is hard wired into me now. And yet since I no longer have conscious awareness of possessing the skill, I have a feeling that I also no longer have conscious awareness of confidence in the skill.

I'm not sure it's a conscious thing but I can certainly feel the effects of that mindset. Before every job, before every gig, I get that "Holy crap, what if I've lost the skill" feeling. It is ridiuclous. I know it is ridiculous. I've read palms for thousands of people. I've read tarot for tens of thousands. I know my sh*t and analytically, I know that I know it. But, that doesn't seem to matter when I stress out in the moment that I have forgotten my own name, much less all the ins and outs of my particular way of doing readings.

This happens to me with songs I have been singing since before I can remember. I will forget the words or the chords or I will forget how to consciously play this or that fiddle tune. Here's the thing: when I get up on stage, I inevitably remember or if I forget while I am performing, I am perfectly able to make a joke out of it with the audience and then do a "Two to Tango, take 2," quip and then move on. Obviously, I prefer not to forget the words or the music and so I practice, hard, daily and certainly before every gig (more than once Rich Potter has remarked that he thinks I practice way more than enough). And I make sure I know my sh*t before every reading, music, or other performance gig. And I make sure I have my presentation down cold before every school visit. 

I know I know my stuff but in the moment, it is hard to remember that I know it.

A lot of my gigs are seasonal and I don't perform the same material year-round (unless it's the jazz, folk, or original music). There are holiday songs, songs from different cultures, etc., that I only play say near St. Patrick's Day or during Hispanic Heritage Month or around Halloween or the December Holidays. So, they are vastly different repertoires, all of which I need to know and keep up on. 

So, I do it. I keep up on them. I practice and I maintain my certainty of knowing my stuff. It is time consuming, and I've been thinking the amount of practicing I do is likely unnecessary. So this year before my international holiday shows, I ran an experiment. Instead of starting at the beginning (with lyric and chord sheets) like I usually do every year because I am certain I have forgotten every song I ever knew, I just broke out the set list and practiced all the music from memory with no chord sheets or backup. I wanted to see if I could remember it without the crutches. Sure enough, I could. And I had remembered so much that I added a bunch of new songs because I saved myself so much practicing time.

Last night, I did the same with the palm reading gig. Instead of freaking out about not remembering where the life line is (jk, it's never that bad), I instead did a meditation where I told my nervous nellie inner self that I knew my stuff and that I would be fine (I used different words but that's the jist). Sure enough, I did do fine. 

In fact, a number of people were shocked at the accuracy. One woman to whom I said, "You have just taken a huge leap of faith. You have to go while others stay and that is a good thing," was shocked because literally an hour before she had just decided to quit everything and move to New Jersey to be with the man she loved.

So, the key for me seems to be that I need to know my stuff (iow, practice) and more importantly that I need give myself credit for knowing it. That seems to have been the missing piece. Sure, I can know it, but if I don't take the time to acknowledge it and credit myself for my years of training in all my various endeavors then I misplace my certainty that I can do it.

In the moment, I kick ass when I read, play, present, perform, etc. In the moment, I know I know my sh*t because hey, here I am doing it. It's the stuff before I step out to do what I do that needs to be modified.

So, that is what I will affirm for myself at the solstice. I will affirm my abilities and I will begin the life changing process of fully crediting myself with how far I've come.

Keeping Our Cool (Strategies for Maintaining Focus While Competing)

(Over the next few posts, I will look at how to maintain focus while in competition or in other high-stress situations.)

Today, let's talk about breath.

If I have to make a list on how to maintain focus while in the midst of competition, the first item on that list would be to breathe.

Deep, long, full belly breaths have multiple benefits. First, they oxygenate the blood and get a wee bit more oxygen to the brain, which keeps us more awake and alert, and able to think clearly and purposefully. Second, we have more oomph in our muscles. Third, when we focus in on breath, other issues melt away. See, the thing is that conscious breathing requires uninterrupted focus. When you focus on your breath, you have to cede focus on other aspects of what's going on to concentrate on your body's expansion and contraction on the inhalation/exhalation cycle.

Do you want to do that when you are playing a fast-moving sport like basketball? It's a good question. I would say that perhaps in the moment, an athlete has to let his or her body take over and let the muscle memory, instincts, and intuition do what needs to be done (that's where practice practice practice comes in and we'll be talking about that in a future post). Things are moving too fast to slow down, step back and just breathe. However, at the point when that athlete stands at the free throw line and must focus, concentrate, and throw a perfect basket, that is absolutely the time to stop, step back, breathe, focus, create your intention, see your intention becoming reality and then making it so.

So, when things coalesce into the pinpoint reality of "do it now or don't do it at all," of when circumstances converge to the make it or break it instant, that is the perfect moment to stop and breathe. That moment, that pause, that breath is crucial. It allows us a moment to find clarity and peace. Even one breath, consciously done, will give us a second of respite in the middle of whatever maelstrom we face. In that instant, we move or evolve from a being who needs to react to something that's happened to one who is moving forward with more focused clarity and acting on what needs to be changed.

Acting rather than reacting makes all the difference and the breath is what allows us to do that.

So, here's your mission for today. Wherever you are, whatever you face, take a step back and just breathe. Even if your life feels like it's careening out of control, stop, step back, and breathe. 

Here's how you do it:

If you are sitting, sit up straight. Make sure your feet are flat on the ground and about hip width apart (The way to tell if they are hip width apart is to run an imaginary line from your hip points [the jutting front part of your hip bones] down the center of your knee and through to your second toe. If that line is straight, your feet are hip width apart.)

Let your back have its natural curve but don't slouch or arch your back.

Put one hand on your belly right below your bellybutton. 

Take a deep breath. Note if your shoulders have raised as you inhaled. If they did, exhale and inhale again and try to keep your shoulders relaxed and down.

When you inhale, imagine the air that is entering your lungs is moving all the way down into where your hand is cupping your belly. You might feel the belly and your hand expand as the breath expands your torso. 

Now, exhale and feel your belly come back in and your body contract.

Do this a couple more times to get the hang of it.

When you have that part, put your other hand on your side above and to the side of your bellybutton. Keeping your hands on your body, take another deep breath. 

This time you will feel your belly expand and additionally, once your belly has expanded, keep breathing in until your feel your sides expand as well. When you feel that, exhale and imagine your side is contracting (you might even feel it) and then let your belly contract as you breathe out.

Do that a couple more times to practice it.

You will want to get to the point where you can stop and do this breath technique quickly and easily whenever you need it. 

Once you get to the point where it is simple to breathe like this, try this technique of stopping, going still, getting your feet hip width apart and taking a breath at random intervals during your day.

Eventually, you will get to the point where you are comfortable getting into the technique at a moment's notice.

Then, I encourage you to try it when you face a stressful situation, some sort of competition, or at any time when you need focus and clarity. You will be surprised at how well it works.

Next time, we focus on practice, practice, practice.