Productivity Tuesday: Feel Free to Forgive Yourself

Sometimes, despite our best efforts to be productive and to complete projects on time, we get overwhelmed. Too many deadlines loom. Too many to-do items beckon. Too much has to be done right this instant.
I just had this happen yesterday. I returned from a weekend away to a mountain of projects that ballooned into emergencies through no fault of my own. I could not get them done no matter how hard I tried. There was only so much of the ten pounds of poop my five pound bag would hold.

I stressed out. Immediately, my stomach clenched, my jaw ached, and my head pounded. I started the hamster-in-the-wheel race to get everything done, but I eventually admitted defeat. I was not going to be able to complete everything on my plate for yesterday. And then, on top of that realization I also heaped on a huge helping of guilt for not being super woman and somehow eking out a miracle. Talk about a double-whammy!

After a couple of hours of this double-whammy of stress and guilt, I took a break. I sat down in my chair. A cat climbed into my lap, and together, we closed our eyes, breathed deeply, and relaxed. I didn't rest for long, but I needed a breather. I needed to center and relax if only for five minutes. And most of all, I needed to release myself from the prison of guilt for not being able to do the impossible. I put down that burden, opened my eyes, and then proceeded to kick butt on everything else I could do for the day.

I'll be honest, I would not have been able to proceed nearly as well or as productively if I hadn't taken those few minutes to unwind and release my guilt. The guilt would have continued to weigh me down. I would have labored under it for the rest of the day and not gotten nearly as much done.

It has taken me something like 40 years to learn that particular lesson. And it is this: Forgive yourself and recommit to the plan tomorrow.

 

They all say to stop and breathe, but how exactly do we do it?

Oh my goodness there are a ton of posts on mindfulness, meditation, and anxiety reduction. Almost all of them have some form of, "stop, be still, and breathe to calm yourself." It's great advice. And it works. The trouble is, how do you stop, be still, and breathe when you might be scared, anxious, nervous, or downright freakin' out?

What are the magical steps? How do you grab onto the focus and calm that lets you take any sort of breath when you are already stressed? And even if you manage to take a deep breath, are you doing it correctly? Will you get the most relaxation bang for your inhalation buck?

Most of us breathe inefficiently. I've taught thousands of people to sing and speak and I've watched them breathe to assess what they are doing and how they are doing it. Almost every single person breathes in such a way that she or he uses up a great deal of energy and motion on the breath but almost never gets the full benefit of either that breath or that energy expenditure.

So, let's take a look at breathing. In these next few posts on Communication Thursdays, we'll go over it step by step, and get you the information you need to breathe deeply and effectively.

We breathe involuntarily. We don't think about it. Some people have to think about it because it's not a voluntary action to them and that must be arduous. Others have breathing issues like asthma, and although this post might be helpful to them, I admit it's not geared towards them. For the rest of us, breathing requires almost no thought. If we aren't sick or having other breathing issues, we breathe easily. However, although we breathe easily, we often breathe inefficiently. And if we want to reap the rewards deep breathing can bring, we must become efficient breathers. With full and mindful breathing, we will reap the many benefits that such breathing can bring.

Let's take the next few minutes together and breathe with purpose. I'll show you how. Stand up (if you aren't already) and take a big ol' breath. I'll wait right here. :)

How did that feel?

Did your shoulders rise up when you inhaled? Did your belly, back, and chest feel tight or cramped? If you don't remember, bring your awareness to your body, take another breath and try to answer these questions. I'll bet you answered yes to at least one of them. If so, then you can improve your breathing.

Did you feel balanced when you inhaled? How did it feel to take that deep breath? See if you can become aware of how you are inhaling and exhaling. Take care if you start to feel a little lightheaded. We are not used to deep breathing and the extra oxygen can make us feel a little woozy. If you start to feel that, sit down, relax and try it again after the feeling passes.

Ready to try again? Good.

Now, let's take the breaths we were taking and make them even better. 

First, let's think about our alignment. Whether we are breathing deeply to sing, speak, address discomfort or just for the sake of these exercises, it is a good idea to maintain good posture and alignment. Let's start from the bottom. 

Our stance is the core of good breath. And a good stance will be to keep your feet hip width whether or you are standing or sitting. So, let's try it. Stand (or sit, if that is what is comfortable for you) with your feet hip width apart. To make sure your feet are hip width apart, stand (or sit) with your feet facing forward draw an imaginary line from your second toe (of each foot), through the middle of your ankle, up through the middle of your knee, and up to your hip points. Hip points are the part of your hip that points in front of you or juts out to the front. It is not the outside of your hips. If you stand with this alignment, you are well on your way to maintaining good posture.

Next time, we will talk about your trunk, shoulders, neck, and head and how to maintain proper alignment in those parts of your body. Once you have proper alignment, we will talk inhalations, exhalations, and every part in between to get you breathing deeply, fully, and effectively.

In the meantime, whenever you must speak, sing, or even just stand for any length of time, try to remember this alignment tip. It will help you stand longer and more easily. 

Until next time, here's a thought on breath.

It's time to clean house!

Today's cards: Nine of Rods, Eight of Cups, Two of Swords.

Even though I am about to go hike a few miles with the dog, really today is about what I need to do on the inside. It's time to Go Within. Oh and it's not just about your internal monologue and kicking its butt to  release some negative self-talk patterns, although that's certainly in here. It is also about making your space conducive to new stuff coming in. Sometimes, we stagnate. We stagnate in our jobs, in our relationships, in our minds, and in our homes.

Looking at it like a feng shui practitioner might, we have stagnant or blocked Chi in our spaces. So, instead of energy being able to flow into and out of our lives, it gets stuck somewhere along the road. So, we want a healthy, constant flow of that energy moving through our lives. The trick here, though, is that we don't want it to come in or leave too quickly. We want a building of energy, a vitality to be generated and present as we move through the bulk of our days. We also want an ebb when it is time to relax and wind down toward nighttime.

We don't want it to blow through us like a tornado, because then, it will just leave destruction in its path. Do you feel like that happens to you sometimes? Does it feel like you're always exhausted and you're constantly running from one crisis to the next? Are there too many stimuli coming at you at all times? Again, looking at it from a feng shui practitioner's perspective, you might need to slow the energy in your space down a bit. You might strategically place a couple of stones in your space. Get a small quartz crystal or even just a rock you find that you like and put it somewhere near the middle of your living space. Rocks have been known as calming influences for a long time. Where do you think worry stones came from?

So, let's learn from people far wiser than us. Let's put a few things in our homes/work spaces that let us find the eye within the storm.

And, last but certainly not least, make your space your own and make it clean. Recycle, give away, or toss that which you no longer need. Let your space be for what is now, and not what was, and also not what might be. Today is where we are and that's what we need to deal with.

Remember, worry doesn't fix tomorrow's troubles; it just saps today of its joy. You'll get there with or without worrying about whatever it is that has you in knots. Make your space your own. Make it clean, and you will have clarity and calm.

Ah, the mystery! (or what jumped out of your anxiety closet this morning?)

Today's cards: King of Cups, King of Swords, Four of Cups. Ah, the mystery! Today's big question is, what aren't you seeing that's right in front of your face? To me, the Four of Cups is about not seeing/sensing the obvious. It's right there plain as day but for some reason, it remains elusive. So, it looks like the trick today is to step back, and take stock and ask the questions you need to ask.

See, before you can move forward from that emotionally and mentally healthy place, you need the truth. And to misquote the great Jack Nicholson, you can totally handle the truth. Whatever it is, will be much easier for you to handle than the monsters you've built up in your head. Once you transform those unknowns into knowns, once you remove the veil from your eyes, the big, hulking terrifying monster of whatever anxiety jumped out of your own personal anxiety closet might just turn into a soft, mewling kitten who wants nothing more than to be cuddled, snoogled, and loved.

We're all just people. We all have fears. We all have desires. We all have issues. Because of that, we have some common bonds, and if we can remove all the social niceties and barriers to being real, then we can get to the heart of whatever it is that we all fear, hate, love, and want. Get to that place with your personal demons, and you've got 'em by the short hairs. Then, you can express your unique perspective and more than likely get what you want.

It's like that old trick they tell you about when you have to do public speaking. Imagine your audience naked. That evens the playing field. Well, underneath our clothes, we're all completely naked. Remember that, remember that you are equal to whomever and whatever you fear, and then your mental and emotional parts will rejoice because then they can do what they need to do.