Vacations: a vital part of life.

Why I take vacations

I don't do it often, but it turns out I need the recharge time.

I'm crawling back to myself on this break. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my roles in the lives of my friends, my clients, my students, and the world at large.

The big revelation? I spend a lot of my time and my self generating output. I give readings, advice, education, performances, etc. And usually all of that comes with its own brand of communication. When I perform, I strive for an exchange of energy. The audience and I make time for a chat. It's just that some of the chat is me making music and them listening. The rest of the time, we converse. Truly.

When I teach, the exchange is almost as 50/50. I learn from my students almost as much as they learn from me. 

When I do readings or coaching, the energy output is much more mine since the people who come to me want my guidance and rarely is it a full exchange. Rather, it is my output to help them heal, progress, and grow towards their highest path.

When I volunteer for causes I support, I do so with an open heart and the fervent hope that what I am doing will help make a difference. There is satisfaction in a job well-done in volunteer work that I rarely get from any other sort of work I do.

I've always operated on the premise that my wellspring was infinite. I tell clients all the time that they need to stop, breathe, and recharge. But it turns out, I've not been taking my own advice.

Before this vacation, I was running on fumes. I was surviving, but I was not thriving. And since my goal is to not only survive but thrive, it has become clear to me that I have been working at cross purposes with myself and with my highest path.

Well, that had to stop. I wasn't paying attention to myself and my needs. And my body started giving me messages that if I didn't chill out, it was going to chill me out for me. So, Rich and I hatched this rather last-minute plan to go away for a bit before the craziness of the autumn season falls upon us.

Once the Ren Fest starts, I will be working seven days a week until December 26th. Since I already maintain a similar pace and have been for the last few years, I needed this break.

And that makes me think. How many of us push ourselves past our limits and forget that we even have them? How many of us exhaust ourselves with work and when we're done look for the next thing on the list to tackle? There will always be another challenge, another item on the "To-do" list. Another project will beckon. Another quest will present itself.

And yet, if we aren't well-rested, we will not be at our best. If we are not relaxed, we might falter when we most need to stand strong and resolute.

This is all my way of saying that I've decided to cut myself some slack. And I want to encourage everyone else to do that too. The projects, goals, and to-do lists aren't going anywhere. They will be there tomorrow. 

Here's the thing, though. The instant you look at a project with dread rather than anticipation, it might be time to look at either your motivation or your energy level. I think even the most arduous and heinous things we need to do to live our lives can present a fun challenge rather than a drudgerous task. The things that tip that scale? First, is the level of our fear about being able to do it well. To that I give that ol' platitude, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." It might be corny, but it is true. This is for another post, but when we feel fear, that reaction is giving us clues. They key here is to learn to interpret them and then utilize the information they provide. More on this later.

Second is our stress level. If we fear being able to achieve our goals, often, we will avoid embarking on the mission. If we are too tired or too stressed, we will avoid the arduous task like the plague. And that will only prolong the agony. So, the lesson I've learned here is if we are too stressed to do justice to our task, perhaps it's time to take a break and relax and release some of that stress before we accept the challenge. Then, we can come to it with fresh eyes and a full heart.

And by the way, it doesn't have to be a long break. Not every break has to be five days in Key West (though that doesn't hurt, let me tell you). A break can be five minutes of breathing with eyes closed or a walk around the block or petting your cat (one of my personal favorites). If we do something to release the grip of stress, we will do better and we will be better. Certainly, we will feel better.

I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies, "The Princess Bride:" "Remember, if you don't have your health, you don't have anything." -Count Rugen

Productivity Tuesday: Feel Free to Forgive Yourself

Sometimes, despite our best efforts to be productive and to complete projects on time, we get overwhelmed. Too many deadlines loom. Too many to-do items beckon. Too much has to be done right this instant.
I just had this happen yesterday. I returned from a weekend away to a mountain of projects that ballooned into emergencies through no fault of my own. I could not get them done no matter how hard I tried. There was only so much of the ten pounds of poop my five pound bag would hold.

I stressed out. Immediately, my stomach clenched, my jaw ached, and my head pounded. I started the hamster-in-the-wheel race to get everything done, but I eventually admitted defeat. I was not going to be able to complete everything on my plate for yesterday. And then, on top of that realization I also heaped on a huge helping of guilt for not being super woman and somehow eking out a miracle. Talk about a double-whammy!

After a couple of hours of this double-whammy of stress and guilt, I took a break. I sat down in my chair. A cat climbed into my lap, and together, we closed our eyes, breathed deeply, and relaxed. I didn't rest for long, but I needed a breather. I needed to center and relax if only for five minutes. And most of all, I needed to release myself from the prison of guilt for not being able to do the impossible. I put down that burden, opened my eyes, and then proceeded to kick butt on everything else I could do for the day.

I'll be honest, I would not have been able to proceed nearly as well or as productively if I hadn't taken those few minutes to unwind and release my guilt. The guilt would have continued to weigh me down. I would have labored under it for the rest of the day and not gotten nearly as much done.

It has taken me something like 40 years to learn that particular lesson. And it is this: Forgive yourself and recommit to the plan tomorrow.

 

They all say to stop and breathe, but how exactly do we do it?

Oh my goodness there are a ton of posts on mindfulness, meditation, and anxiety reduction. Almost all of them have some form of, "stop, be still, and breathe to calm yourself." It's great advice. And it works. The trouble is, how do you stop, be still, and breathe when you might be scared, anxious, nervous, or downright freakin' out?

What are the magical steps? How do you grab onto the focus and calm that lets you take any sort of breath when you are already stressed? And even if you manage to take a deep breath, are you doing it correctly? Will you get the most relaxation bang for your inhalation buck?

Most of us breathe inefficiently. I've taught thousands of people to sing and speak and I've watched them breathe to assess what they are doing and how they are doing it. Almost every single person breathes in such a way that she or he uses up a great deal of energy and motion on the breath but almost never gets the full benefit of either that breath or that energy expenditure.

So, let's take a look at breathing. In these next few posts on Communication Thursdays, we'll go over it step by step, and get you the information you need to breathe deeply and effectively.

We breathe involuntarily. We don't think about it. Some people have to think about it because it's not a voluntary action to them and that must be arduous. Others have breathing issues like asthma, and although this post might be helpful to them, I admit it's not geared towards them. For the rest of us, breathing requires almost no thought. If we aren't sick or having other breathing issues, we breathe easily. However, although we breathe easily, we often breathe inefficiently. And if we want to reap the rewards deep breathing can bring, we must become efficient breathers. With full and mindful breathing, we will reap the many benefits that such breathing can bring.

Let's take the next few minutes together and breathe with purpose. I'll show you how. Stand up (if you aren't already) and take a big ol' breath. I'll wait right here. :)

How did that feel?

Did your shoulders rise up when you inhaled? Did your belly, back, and chest feel tight or cramped? If you don't remember, bring your awareness to your body, take another breath and try to answer these questions. I'll bet you answered yes to at least one of them. If so, then you can improve your breathing.

Did you feel balanced when you inhaled? How did it feel to take that deep breath? See if you can become aware of how you are inhaling and exhaling. Take care if you start to feel a little lightheaded. We are not used to deep breathing and the extra oxygen can make us feel a little woozy. If you start to feel that, sit down, relax and try it again after the feeling passes.

Ready to try again? Good.

Now, let's take the breaths we were taking and make them even better. 

First, let's think about our alignment. Whether we are breathing deeply to sing, speak, address discomfort or just for the sake of these exercises, it is a good idea to maintain good posture and alignment. Let's start from the bottom. 

Our stance is the core of good breath. And a good stance will be to keep your feet hip width whether or you are standing or sitting. So, let's try it. Stand (or sit, if that is what is comfortable for you) with your feet hip width apart. To make sure your feet are hip width apart, stand (or sit) with your feet facing forward draw an imaginary line from your second toe (of each foot), through the middle of your ankle, up through the middle of your knee, and up to your hip points. Hip points are the part of your hip that points in front of you or juts out to the front. It is not the outside of your hips. If you stand with this alignment, you are well on your way to maintaining good posture.

Next time, we will talk about your trunk, shoulders, neck, and head and how to maintain proper alignment in those parts of your body. Once you have proper alignment, we will talk inhalations, exhalations, and every part in between to get you breathing deeply, fully, and effectively.

In the meantime, whenever you must speak, sing, or even just stand for any length of time, try to remember this alignment tip. It will help you stand longer and more easily. 

Until next time, here's a thought on breath.

Keeping Our Cool (Strategies for Maintaining Focus While Competing)

(Over the next few posts, I will look at how to maintain focus while in competition or in other high-stress situations.)

Today, let's talk about breath.

If I have to make a list on how to maintain focus while in the midst of competition, the first item on that list would be to breathe.

Deep, long, full belly breaths have multiple benefits. First, they oxygenate the blood and get a wee bit more oxygen to the brain, which keeps us more awake and alert, and able to think clearly and purposefully. Second, we have more oomph in our muscles. Third, when we focus in on breath, other issues melt away. See, the thing is that conscious breathing requires uninterrupted focus. When you focus on your breath, you have to cede focus on other aspects of what's going on to concentrate on your body's expansion and contraction on the inhalation/exhalation cycle.

Do you want to do that when you are playing a fast-moving sport like basketball? It's a good question. I would say that perhaps in the moment, an athlete has to let his or her body take over and let the muscle memory, instincts, and intuition do what needs to be done (that's where practice practice practice comes in and we'll be talking about that in a future post). Things are moving too fast to slow down, step back and just breathe. However, at the point when that athlete stands at the free throw line and must focus, concentrate, and throw a perfect basket, that is absolutely the time to stop, step back, breathe, focus, create your intention, see your intention becoming reality and then making it so.

So, when things coalesce into the pinpoint reality of "do it now or don't do it at all," of when circumstances converge to the make it or break it instant, that is the perfect moment to stop and breathe. That moment, that pause, that breath is crucial. It allows us a moment to find clarity and peace. Even one breath, consciously done, will give us a second of respite in the middle of whatever maelstrom we face. In that instant, we move or evolve from a being who needs to react to something that's happened to one who is moving forward with more focused clarity and acting on what needs to be changed.

Acting rather than reacting makes all the difference and the breath is what allows us to do that.

So, here's your mission for today. Wherever you are, whatever you face, take a step back and just breathe. Even if your life feels like it's careening out of control, stop, step back, and breathe. 

Here's how you do it:

If you are sitting, sit up straight. Make sure your feet are flat on the ground and about hip width apart (The way to tell if they are hip width apart is to run an imaginary line from your hip points [the jutting front part of your hip bones] down the center of your knee and through to your second toe. If that line is straight, your feet are hip width apart.)

Let your back have its natural curve but don't slouch or arch your back.

Put one hand on your belly right below your bellybutton. 

Take a deep breath. Note if your shoulders have raised as you inhaled. If they did, exhale and inhale again and try to keep your shoulders relaxed and down.

When you inhale, imagine the air that is entering your lungs is moving all the way down into where your hand is cupping your belly. You might feel the belly and your hand expand as the breath expands your torso. 

Now, exhale and feel your belly come back in and your body contract.

Do this a couple more times to get the hang of it.

When you have that part, put your other hand on your side above and to the side of your bellybutton. Keeping your hands on your body, take another deep breath. 

This time you will feel your belly expand and additionally, once your belly has expanded, keep breathing in until your feel your sides expand as well. When you feel that, exhale and imagine your side is contracting (you might even feel it) and then let your belly contract as you breathe out.

Do that a couple more times to practice it.

You will want to get to the point where you can stop and do this breath technique quickly and easily whenever you need it. 

Once you get to the point where it is simple to breathe like this, try this technique of stopping, going still, getting your feet hip width apart and taking a breath at random intervals during your day.

Eventually, you will get to the point where you are comfortable getting into the technique at a moment's notice.

Then, I encourage you to try it when you face a stressful situation, some sort of competition, or at any time when you need focus and clarity. You will be surprised at how well it works.

Next time, we focus on practice, practice, practice.

Choose to relax!

Today's cards: Seven of Pentacles, High Priestess, Page of Cups. Today is for rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation. Heh, on a Tuesday. Yeah, right. But, why not? Even if you are on extreme deadline, what's the harm in taking ten seconds to stop, quiet your mind, and just breathe? Here in Richmond, where I am at the moment, the sun is shining, the birds are singing (literally) and I am seated comfortably on a fluffy couch as I type. Although I face a grueling drive up 95 in a few minutes, I'm taking the time to smell the figurative roses. And why not? I've been working hard. Heck, everyone I know has been working hard. Most people I know are constantly on the move, consistently working until they drop, and getting too little sleep. So, just what's wrong with claiming a little joy and calm in the middle of the maelstrom? I say, nothing. For those who know me in person, that's a serious departure from my normal Type A "go go go!" But, I'm taking a page out of a different book. I'm trying very hard to choose to relax and just be even if it's for just a few seconds out of a harried and hectic day.

See, the High Priestess is all about choices. Choices and intuition. Our bodies are smart. They tell us what we need, and most of us need way more rest and relaxation than we give them. So, a conscious choice of even a few minutes of quiet and peace in an otherwise crazy day can give us a lot of that peace of mind that we all need to be our best. Now, I know some of us thrive on the crazy. We need that jolt to be at our peak. But, as someone who has operated in that paradigm for decades, I'm here to tell you that it has its price. That price can be your health, vitality, or just your energy level. Everyone needs recuperation time. Some work themselves like crazy and then take two weeks of solid play. Some need it more often. I'm just saying that a wee little bit of time spent breathing and "chillin'" (as my nephew would say) can go a long way to recouping some of that energy and vitality that the Seven of Pents says we all need today.

The way to reengaging with our internal, joyful, childlike selves (ye old Page of Cups in today's card draw) is to slow down and take those few deep breaths, feel the sun on our faces (or the raindrops, depending on where you are) and give thanks for that moment of peace.

Oh and if someone asks you out on a date today, go! That Page is all about new romance. And after all, it's spring!

Not going to take it anymore? Fine, then own that.

There's nothing like getting work cards on a Monday. Today's cards are: The Magician, the Nine of Cups, and the Eight of Swords. The Magician is a "go get 'em" card. He tells us to focus, find purpose, and plunge into the fray for we will win, if we just jump in and act purposefully. However, he also says that we must really, truly know what we want. If we just jump in without having a real clue as to our true goals, things will get majorly messed up. So, if you know what has to happen, if you've thought it through, if your heart is set on it, if you feel peaceful and like it's the one, true course of action, then go for it. Otherwise, sit tight and wait until things settle in and feel right.

Feeling trapped by circumstances will be troubling today. (There's the eight of swords rearing her troubling head.) If you feel like a good bit of your life is spent doing things you don't want to do, then you need to see where you can lessen those activities. They might be work, they might be home - it doesn't matter. What matters is that you need to cut away those things that make you unhappy. Take how you spend your time in your own hands and only do that which you want/need to do rather than what you feel obligated to do. It will give you a feeling of greater freedom.

The Nine of Cups is the happy merchant. It represents the person who is truly happy in his or her work. If you are happy, more power to you. If you aren't, today is the day to begin to do something about it. Again, though, this isn't about jumping up on your desk and screaming "I'm not going to take it anymore!" When we want to succeed, we often have to know those around us as well, or better than, we know ourselves. If someone at work is making your life harder, try to see beyond his or her work mask. Find compassion for what they are going through and you might find yourself no longer on opposites sides of whatever is going on. Now, it might not make a hill of beans worth of difference, but then again, it might. If the only difference is that you have a better understanding of what causes that person to behave this way, then it will still make a difference in how you approach your work environment.

So, ultimately, it looks like today is about taking charge of your time and work. If you want to move forward, do it from a knowledgeable point of view. If you want to stay right where you are, know that on some (most if not all) level, you remain where you are because you have chosen to do that. Own your decisions, own your current status and you will be shocked at how much more relaxed and peaceful you will feel.

Do unto yourself as you would like to do unto others?

Today's cards are an interesting extension of yesterday's. We have the Five of Pentacles again, the Seven of Pentacles, and the Charriot. So, today, we don't talk about being nice to others. Instead, we talk about being nice to ourselves. Particularly and especially if you have any health issues, take care of yourself today. Turn all that kindness we talked about yesterday toward yourself. What do you need to feel cared for today? Whatever it is, indulge. You're absolutely worth it. That is what the Seven of Pentacles is all about. It tells us that we must rest and recharge after a harvest. Have you worked your butt off? Take some time to regenerate it. Not everything has to get done today. Some things can wait. If you will feel better and rejuvenated if you wait to do some of the things on your list, then do so. It's ok.

In Julia Cameron's book, the Artist's Way, one of the exercises she has you do is create a poster that says the following words: "Treating myself like a sacred object will make me strong." She couldn't be more right. If we treat ourselves like the sacred beings we are, if we are careful with our bodies, our thoughts, and our feelings, if we expect and demand respect (both from others and internally) then we can become strong enough to rise to the greatest challenges and meet them with grace and style.

See, the Five of Pentacles means kindness in the face of suffering. If you feel like a part of your life is causing you to suffer, address it. Do something about it (or accept that this is how things are for now, but let go of the anxiety around it). We aren't meant to suffer, I don't believe. Even though Buddhist thought teaches us that hopelessness and suffering are the paths set out before us, I think those are misleading. In her book, "When Things Fall Apart," Pema Chodron gives the only Buddhist definition of hopelessness that I can get behind. She says, "Hopelessness is the release of all hope for an alternative to the present moment." In other words, what causes suffering is the desire for things to be other than the currently are. That dissatisfaction with where we find ourselves is what causes us pain. That makes sense to me. However, where I differ with Buddhist thought is that while I want to accept where I am and be at peace with it that doesn't mean that I can't work to enact change peacefully and loving (and heck sometimes not so peacefully and lovingly, if that's what's needed). So, what I ultimately want is to work for change from that well of centered stability.

That brings us to the Charriot. The strength we get from having rested and been kind to ourselves is what the Charriot is all about here. It is the external expression of our own strength. It is forward motion from a place of power. So, rest, relax, and then when the time is right, you will once again kick butt. But, like a shaolin priest, you will do it from a place of peace a la Kwai Chang Caine of Kung Fu.