Finding Strength In Weakness

My thoughts this morning turn to finding strength in my weakness.

I was working with clients over the weekend. One of them talked about how he felt weak and that he wanted to go back and be strong how he used to be.

I said, "Wait, don't try to go backward to find that strength. Look forward to the strength you will find as you move through this time of weakness. That is where we find our strength, when we feel the most weak and vulnerable. We have to go through each step, good and bad, in order to find ourselves."

Then, I talked to them about my violin. It is an old instrument, from 1872. I have owned it since I was nine years old. It had a beautiful sound. About 20 years ago, I was walking with it down a flight of stone steps. I stumbled. It fell and cracked. My heart broke along with it. I took it to Violin House of Weaver (now Potter's Violins), which is one of the best Violin Houses in the world. 

"We'll take care of it," they promised. "You won't be able to tell the difference."

I had my doubts but I left it with them. In the meantime, to prepare for upcoming gigs a friend was kind enough to lend me his violin while mine was being repaired.

During that time, burglars broke into our house and stole a bunch of stuff. They stole my friend's violin. We tried in vain to find it at local pawn shops, but we never did. Luckily, we had insurance and while we weren't able to retrieve his violin, we were at least able to get him money for it. I still feel badly about that, but there was nothing we could have done to prevent it.

Meanwhile, my violin was still being repaired. In my heart of hearts, I knew it would never sound the way it had. I knew it would forever be broken, but I waited it out until the day came to go pick it up.

"Play it," the man behind the counter encouraged me.

I ran the bow across the strings and it was magic! The instrument sounded better than it had before.

"How did you do that?" I asked as I put my lovely violin away.

"The glue we use now works with the fibers of the wood on a molecular level," he replied. "It fills the cracks perfectly and then vibrates with them the way the wood itself would. Like a broken bone, where it was shattered will now be stronger than before. You lost monetary value when you dropped it, but you haven't lost the instrument."

I thanked him, and I left. 

It was only much later that I realized that if I hadn't dropped the violin, I would indeed have lost it and sooner than I thought. If it hadn't been in the shop when it was, it would have been the violin stolen when the burglars broke in. Instead, I still have it and played it just yesterday.

So now, when things fall apart, I remember my violin and how the moment it broke was the moment it was saved. 

And then, I breathe.

http://www.med.navy.mil/sites/nmcphc/Documents/health-promotion-wellness/psychological-emotional-wellbeing/Combat-Tactical-Breathing.pdf 

Be the Change You Want to See In Yourself

A friend posted the following quote, and I wrote the below in reaction.
--quote--
"Perhaps the source of your discontent lies in your attachment to how things should be instead of accepting how things are.”

--my response--
On many levels, I agree (that whole "be zen and accept where you are thing," yeah, that would be cool). On others, not so much. I feel like agitation or discontentment with what is often make for progress. When I don't like what is, I change it. If do nothing, then I (on some level) become part of the problem.

Now that I'm thinking about it ... yes, there are times when other people are involved that I land in positions where I can't do anything. I've said for a long time that you can't make someone feel something they don't. You can't make them love you. You can't make them feel sympathy for you. You can't make them feel sorry if they hurt you and don't feel sorry for having done so. But, when it is your life or your path you are discontented with, yeah, I think you have a responsibility to yourself to kick your own butt and make the changes you need to make to make things better. I have been going back to that one sentence I read recently that has made things so much more clear and accessible to me. "What is one thing I can do right now to improve my situation?" It might not fix things completely. It might not make a huge difference in the moment. But even a tiny action now can lead to a great shift later.

To me, that's critical.

I believe in those tiny shifts. I believe in becoming aware of patterns. I believe that the smallest action can be revolutionary if it changes how I perceive things because it will ultimately change I see the world and how I behave in it.

So that means I claim responsibility for myself. And that I'm at peace with.

Back it up, my friends

Redundant backups are your friend. I do two backups of my data. One is daily/nightly and the other is monthly. Last night, my daily back drive bit the dust. My computer was fine but I couldn't back up to the drive. So, I had to grab ye ol' secondary backup, get that going, make sure the backup worked, and now I've reformatted my daily and it's backing up as well.

I've lost data before and nothing sucks worse for me in the technological part of my life than having a dead computer and no backups.

Some might say I'm paranoid, but I remember a moment (some might say eternity) in my sophomore year of college where I pulled three all-nighters in a row trying to finish two separate poli sci papers. The third all-nighter night when I was pretty much hallucinating, the University of Michigan Union's computer lab had a power surge. I hadn't saved or backed up my 20-page paper for a hours (how could I when the gremlins and fairies I was seeing were so diverting?) and so lost eight pages of it. I had been almost finished and lost the entire last section and conclusion of the paper and then I realized I was just done. After shedding more than a few tears all over the keyboard, I picked up my tattered psyche and left the building. I turned in a 12-page paper, somehow pulled an A- out of the professor, and vowed I would never, *never* be without a good backup again.

That's my lesson here, kids. Back up. Everything. Make sure it's all on good drives that are restorable. There are lots of software packages out there that will do it for you. Or, if you have a Mac, use Time Machine. It's worth it. Drives go bad. They become petulant and refuse to boot. They get sluggish and lazy. They steal your lunch money. They do all manner of things that will kick your butt into next Tuesday.

Back up and you will never regret it. Don't back up and I can pretty much guarantee you will someday pull out hunks of your hair as you stare at a drive and try to will it to boot. It won't work. They'll just mock you in their lack of boot-sound whirs and lights. Don't let 'em get away with it.